Thursday, January 10, 2019

Hello 2019

I have mentioned more than a time or two that 2017 and 2018 kicked my butt. Yes, good things happened in those 2 years, but I focused on the bad. What I've come to realise is that I need to stop letting the things that happen to me define my year (or week, month, life) and start actively trying to incorporate more positive things, focusing on the good things and not giving up when the going gets tough. Of course, there is something to be said for letting yourself feel what you feel, coping with bad things however you can. I don't want to ignore those things, but everything that happened in the last 2 years was out of my control. I can be sad and angry about those things, and I will, but I want to start focusing on the good things and the things I can control.

I love clean slates, goals and new years resolutions. In theory. I am great at not achieving them though, so I rarely make goals and I've given up on resolutions. But I love the idea of them. This year, I won't be making a resolution exactly but I have some thoughts on things I want to do in 2019 and goal-ish things that I am hoping will make for an all around happier year. I'm not going to feel bad if I don't tick them all off the list though, these are just ideas so that when I spiral out of control or feel sad, I have a go to list of things to get me out and back into happy. That's the idea, anyway.

This year, I want to become a more positive, happier person. I had a lot of ideas but I think everything comes back to this, really. Here are some ideas to achieve this:
  • practice gratitude
  • smile and laugh more
  • donate my time and money to things I care about
  • surround myself with people I love
  • cut out toxic people where possible
  • baby steps meditation
  • turn negative thoughts into something actionable
  • work on not judging people unfairly
  • soak up sunshine
  • dance more
  • DNF books I'm not enjoying
  • read books I already own
  • make home improvements, even small ones
  • small trips, maybe road trips, maybe flights
  • go to concerts and sporting events
  • try new recipes
  • call my family more
  • eat healthy
  • exercise to feel better
  • play with my cats
  • take care with my appearance
  • spend less
  • save more
  • do new and fun things often

I am not telling myself I need to do all of these things every day, every week or every month. They are just ideas, things I want to work on, things I know make me a happier person because they've done them in the past. 

Of course, if I had a 'goal' this year, it would be to get pregnant, but that's out of my control really and I can't put as much focus or pressure on it as I did last year. Emotionally, it was just too hard.

Even though I want to be a more positive, happier person, I do not mean I want to ignore the bad things or bury them under so many good things that they aren't so bad anymore. No, I want to allow myself to grieve, to just survive sometimes when getting out of bed is too hard, to be angry and bitter and allow myself all of the feelings. But I just don't want to wallow or ignore the good things while I am busy being sad and angry. That's what my list is for. When I am sad or angry, I might not feel like dancing, but looking forward to a small road trip or concert with friends will lift my spirits. Spending less, saving more will relieve stress I always feel, eating healthy and exercising regularly will make me feel good and help me sleep, which will, again, make me feel good. That's the goal anyway.

I'm going to try and do monthly goals again, though for January my goal is to just survive, recharge and feel whatever I want to feel. February can be when I start focusing on specific things.

Cheers to 2019, hope it is a good year for you! Me too of course.

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