Sometimes, I am doing my hair and makeup, getting ready, jamming to the spice girls or justin bieber, and my eyelid doesn't snap back as quickly as it used to when I am done with the eyeliner. It's kind of freaky. And when I am examining that, I notice little spots and lines around my eyes and mouth. I am not mad about them, but they are there.
Sometimes, in that split second in between sleep and waking up, I reach out with my foot to touch the wall. But the wall isn't there. Because I am not in my childhood bedroom, where my bed was always up against a wall.. in fact, I am not even in the same country. Normally the feeling is so fleeting that I barely register it, other times it's like a sucker punch. I lived in that room, slept in that bed, until I moved to the US.
The point of this is, when I was younger (and clueless), I always screwed my nose up and rolled my eyes when older people would say that they still felt the same, or still saw their younger selves in the mirror. I know I am only 29 but I know what they mean. I am not sad, I am not scared. It's just a bit disorienting sometimes, to have something feel so fresh and recent and you realise it was 20 years ago. Or the fact that you can say 20 years ago, but you're thinking 80s instead of 90s because the 90s were only 10 years ago, right?
Anyway. I truly am not one who is afraid of turning 30. I really am not. Life is short and I am grateful for every single day I'm living it. But I'd be lying if I said I am exactly where I thought I would be at 30. When I was 15, or 20, I thought for sure I would have kids by now. However, I thought I'd never get married or be in a long term relationship, so I am not quite sure where I was getting the kids from, but whatever. I was wrong about both, but I'm mad about neither. I like the way my life has gone.
I think it's funny that I am older now than my mum was when she had me. My benchmark for having kids was always 28 because that's how old mum was when she had me, she had Matt at 26 I think, so I don't know why I settled on 28, but whatever. I'm now approaching 30 and I think I'll be 31 - if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant when we start trying - by the time we have kids, which I never thought I would be. I don't think there is anything wrong with that though, right?
The point is, while I am okay with some things that aren't like I expected, there are certain things I wanted to do, there is a certain person I wanted to be before I turned 30.
So. I had a 30 before 30 list that, truth be told, I haven't really looked at it in 6 months. It was fun, but it was silly and my life won't change if I do or do not complete those things before my age starts with a 3. I know my birthday won't magically change anything, I still get to be me and do what I want, I don't think life will be perfect if I cross a few things off a list. But I really like lists.
So I wanted to do a 'real' before 30 list - my birthday is less than 6 months away, and while I know my life will not stop at 30, there are certain things I want to fix and leave in my 20s. I love fresh clean slates and a new decade is so shiny and pretty and I'd like to pretend not to screw it up immediately... or rather, find new ways to screw it up.
So here are 10 things - because ain't nobody got time for 30 things in 6 months - that I want to cross off my life list before I wake up a 30 year old.
1. Pay off debt.
I would like to enter my 30s with zero debt. I'm not talking debt I share with KC, like cars and house, but the stuff I've racked up by being a shopaholic. I have made this a goal every year since I was like 18, I have succeeded several times and then racked it back up. I have got to be done. I am so over this.
2. Budget & save money.
This is separate from #1, but just as important. Sometimes I think that just because we pay our bills and have a certain amount in savings, that we are doing great, because me at 20 didn't even have a savings account, let alone any money in checking. (Actually, at home, checking accounts are called savings accounts so shit just got confusing, didn't it? Guess what savings accounts are called? Savings ha). But anyway. I want lots of money in savings so I can spend it all on a trip to Australia.
3. Be the healthiest, fittest me I can be.
Hard to define, and this will always be something I am always working on. I feel pretty good about my exercise routine and habit right now, but food is a constant struggle. I would also like to lose just a little bit of weight. Not exactly a number, but based on how I look and feel.
4. Break 2 hours in a half marathon.
Will I ever let go of this goal? I am not sure if I will do this exactly before my birthday because it depends on what races I do, but I'd at least like to get faster than I am now.
5. Develop and stick to a skincare routine.
6. Find some doctors.
I would blame it on moving to a new country, but truthfully I didn't have specific doctors at home either, and I've lived here for 4 years, so that excuse is getting old. I have a skin cancer doctor, I need a lady doctor and a normal doctor.
7. Do yoga consistently.
I have been running off and on for like 6 (or more, I lose count) years, I have been lifting weights for over 10 years. I am not amazing at either, I'm not winning races or competing or anything, but the habit is there, that base skill or whatever. I want to get there with yoga, because my relationship with yoga is way more off than on. Nothing crazy, just maybe 3-4 times a week.
8. Get my american driver's license.
Okay, I wrote this list and then I finally went and got my permit (seriously, 4 years of procrastination will get you nowhere fast) and I have to book a driving test after 30 days. Wish me luck!
9. Book NZ & Australia trip.
Not all of it, but most of it. I still haven't actually decided if we will go to NZ, or do anything extra in Australia yet.
10. Stay happy.
All I have ever wanted was to be happy, and I'm not saying I am not happy - I am, very much. I want to stay happy. This might sound silly, but life is a bit silly. Appreciate what you have, do more of what makes you happy, stop comparing and complaining, focus on yourself and your life.
I know this is still a silly list, because 30 doesn't change anything, but I like deadlines. So, wish me luck! Also, help a girl out with a skincare routine. I use cetaphil and olay moisturiser every day. That's it. I feel like I need some masks, eye creams, night creams, a better moisturiser with more SPF and something that will magically make me look 21 again. Thanks! Seriously, throw your recommendations out or point me to skincare posts you've done, I'll be super appreciative!