In April, I didn't eat any ice cream, chocolate, candy, chips, doughnuts, etc. Basically everything that I binge eat, or items that would start me off on a binge. I don't binge eat doughnuts or ice cream, but they start an extremely unhealthy downward spiral that is hard for me to get out of.
I mentioned last month that moderation works for some whereas abstaining works for others. I think for most people though, we are a mix of both. I have no trouble with moderation when it comes to pizza, fries, etc but I cannot stop myself from eating an entire family size bag of chips. I definitely am better at moderation in public - I can eat a handful or walk away from chips, but at home or whenever I am alone, all bets are off.
Regardless though, I have not gone more than a week without chocolate, candy or chips my entire life, so to go an entire month was a huge pat on the back exercise in discipline for me. I am extremely proud. I didn't do this to lose weight or to become some super healthy person, I did it to prove to myself that I could and that I can be disciplined. Motivation had nothing to do with it, because sometimes motivation disappears. Okay I had one piece of cake but I don't regret it.
But now I am scared to try and introduce those foods in moderation. Like I did with my working out everyday, I was scared to take a day off until I was sure it was a real habit, which it absolutely is now. But food? Food is harder, and scarier. I don't want to have any kind of disordered eating, I don't want to be afraid of junk food.
I would love to get to a point where I can eat things in moderation, but I know I am not anywhere close to that. I know that if I was home alone with a bag of chips and a bag of jelly beans, they would both be gone in an hour. But I could eat the piece of cake and move on, not let it wreck my day, so that's progress.
So the point of all this is that I am going to continue with the no sweets, but in May, I want to step it up and eat better overall. Not working on portion sizes yet, but none of the bad food I allowed myself in April as an alternative to sweets. I need to step away from things like pizza, fries, fried food, fast food, chinese food, etc. These are all things I eat when I eat out, I don't cook pizza at home, I don't make fries or fried chicken.
I would love to say no eating out, but I don't know if that is quite feasible. I don't want to feel so restricted that I completely fail. So for right now, I will say:
- no chick fil a, jimmy johns, mcdonalds or pf changs.
- no eating out alone. This is the #1 for me, eating out for lunch (pf changs is literally next door to my building) or grabbing something on the way home when KC is out, that's when I make my horrible decisions.
- nothing obviously over the top ridiculously unhealthy. I'm not going to be eating grilled chicken and broccoli for every meal, but eating things that are so obviously unhealthy at home or at a restaurant has to stop.
So. This might seem drastic. But it needs to be done. This time it is both for discipline and for hopefully losing a bit of weight. My cruise is next month you guys, and I am going to eat all the food and drink all the fruity cocktails. It might seem dangerous to try and be super healthy and then eat like a crazy person on my cruise, but whatever. Treat yoself.
I also wanted to share my shopping for April, because it doesn't need a post on its own.
I bought 4 tshirts and ended up taking them back, high five. I also bought a few things that are for future me, they are useless right now, but were on sale so whatever (total for those purchases: $43.92).
I got 2 dresses (well, a romper and a dress) for 2 upcoming events from rent the runway, I had a $50 birthday credit so I only spent $31.80.
I also bought these sandals.. I have no sandals, so I did 'need' them. I only have flip flops or heels, no in between. I needed some for the cruise but also just life, you know? It was life or death basically. $18.12.
|sandals - affiliate link means you click, I make like 2 cents and you support my shopping habit so thanks a bunch|
Then I bought... a lot of books.
Thriftbooks: $18.99 for 6 books.
Amazon: $19.55 for 2 books / $4.21 for 6 kindle books.
Book depository: $8.93
Paperbackswap: $6.30 - I had to add funds to my balance because there is a fee for every swap, which is like 50 cents. Once I exhaust these swaps and my balance, I will most likely stop using paperback swap. I got 5 books, and I have 9 credits left but their selection sucks.
All of these purchases are all selfish purchases, and impulse purchases for the most part. They don't include gifts (you do not want to know how much shipping cost for my mother's day gift, sigh) so they aren't the best indication of expenditure, and while it doesn't look that bad, there is definitely (always) room for improvement.
I also got a Golden Tote which probably satisfied the shopping urge for the month of April, and it was free, so that's good. I am going to try very hard not to shop in May, except for 2 things I have planned (Stitch Fix & Golden Tote).
Here's to May!