On Tuesday, I posted my poor woe is me attitude with eating right now, and so many of you were so lovely and gave me some really good things to think about. But a lot of you agreed with what I said - there is no secret. You have to do it, just do it. Prepare and plan, but just do it.
Alyssa mentioned something about discipline vs motivation and lots of you agreed or said the same thing, and it pretty much blew me away. It really is so true, and I think if I think of it that way, I will succeed.
I do agree for the most part that restricting is bad. It will just make you want all the things. However. I also know that right now, I am not good at moderation. I'm just not. The other day (the same day I posted about my eating, for shame!) a girl brought in a full size bag of starburst jellybeans for me. How nice, right? 2 hours later, she came and asked for a handful and I was like.. oh yeah, they are gone. Sorry. I don't do 1 or 2 jellybeans, or even half the bag. No, I'm all or nothing. So right now, I need to be nothing.
I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted, within reason, and as long as I exercised consistently, my weight would stay relatively normal. I mean, if I ate well, I'd lose weight, but if I ate bad, at least I wouldn't gain too much. But I have seriously gained over 10lbs since Europe last year. I was cocky that I didn't gain any whilst in Europe, but since then I have been yo-yoing all over the place. I am almost 30lbs heavier than when I moved here in 2012. That is ridiculous!
I know that the scale doesn't define me, yadi yadi yada, but the fact is that I know what the number says when I feel good, and right now, I am not that number and I feel like crap. They go hand in hand. If I start to feel amazing and my clothes start fitting before I get to that number, who cares? I will rejoice. But right now feeling good and getting my weight down on the scale are equally important to me.
The thing is, I have got to stop acting like I am 21. I am obviously not anymore, and my metabolism and all that shit is just not the same, not to mention at 21 I could eat a whole bag of jellybeans and not bat an eye. Now, I feel so sick that I have to lay down. I have to stop treating my body like crap.
I am 29 years old. I have had a messed up body image and attitude towards food for over 15 years. Finally, my mind is in a good spot, my exercise routine is in a good spot, but my eating is not. 2 out of 3 ain't bad in a meatloaf song, but not in life.
Like I said, I don't think restricting is good all of the time, but for a short time, and for someone like me who can make a bag of jellybeans disappear in an hour, it's gotta be done. In April:
- No junk. No candy, chocolate, milkshakes, chips, ice cream, pie, etc etc etc.
- No eating out on my own. When I eat out on my own, for lunch or at home, I never ever ever choose something even remotely healthy. I get a large size, I get dessert, I get an extra bag of chips just in case.. No. It has to stop. I am at least slightly ashamed of eating like a pig around other people, so I don't mind eating out with others as long as it doesn't include candy etc.
- No shopping. Nada. Zilch. Zero.
There are a lot of things I need to work on - smaller portions, more fruits and vegetables, no chick fil a, healthier meals at home etc etc etc. But right now, my candy/junk obsession is out of control and that is my number 1 focus. I also have a weight loss goal, but I don't want to share that because I don't want to hold myself to it and feel like I failed.
So why am I rambling about this? I know I can do this. I know I can. But I needed, or actually I wanted, to share it so that I am putting it out there. I told KC, a few friends, people at work and now I am telling the internet. I can't go back on it now.
Also wanted to remind everyone that the link up for book club is next Tuesday the 5th of April - so if you read Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes please join us in chatting about it!
Also, next Thursday the 7th of April is the next 'What's New With You' link up with Gretch and I, which you can read about here if you like. Basically, it's a monthly link up where you can chat about what's new with you, what you've been doing or loving this past month, goals you've been working towards, or you can link any old post - doesn't matter as long as you link back to us pretty please.
What is your biggest downfall with eating?