Last month I talked about how I struggle with eating, and a lot of people blew my mind with their thoughts and whatnot, so I decided to do a no sweets thing in April. I also wanted to not eat out on my own and I really wanted to go a month without shopping.
I know it's not the end of the month, but I wanted to check in. I ate out on my own twice. I shopped - I bought some t-shirts and a book. But. I did not eat any junk (my definition of junk for this little challenge).
I think a lot of things I struggle with are way more mental than anything. I don't need bad food, I just want it. It tastes good and then it makes me feel like crap.
I have a lot of food issues that I need to work on - portion sizes, bad food in general, eating to live rather than living to eat.. But my main #1 issue has always been binge eating, and in turn, junk food, because that is what I binge on. Potato chips, chocolate, jelly beans, ice cream, gummi bears, one of those family size pies, etc etc. I would grab a milkshake and an ice cream from mcdonalds and finish them both before I got home and ate dinner. Obviously that is not healthy.
I was successful at tricking myself into working out consistently, I finally feel like I can take a day or two off now and get right back at it, whereas before I would take 2-3 weeks off just because I missed a Monday. But I couldn't quite figure out how to 'trick' myself into eating well, until I started thinking about it as discipline rather than motivation or willpower (thanks Alyssa!).
Like I said, I have other things I need to work on, but the sweets/snack foods are my #1 downfall so I am super proud to say that I have gone 26 days with no chips*, no chocolate, no candy, no ice cream, no milkshakes.. nothing. I didn't eat perfectly, not at all - I had pizza and fries and even pancakes. But if I tried to give up everything and restrict everything, I would have failed miserably and comforted myself with everything I have listed above. Baby steps.
*Unforunately, we went to Jason's Deli last Saturday and I forgot about the chips that would come with my sandwich. I started eating them before I realised, and when I freaked out, KC said it was fine because what I am trying to get away from is eating an entire family size bag of chips while I'm sitting on the couch, which has happened multiple times. I ate my sandwich and then had like 10 chips, and I actually walked away from chips on my plate I don't even know who I am right now. So does this count?
I am not joking or exaggerating when I say that I do not think I have ever gone this long without any of those foods. My entire life. Even when I was sick, I ate chips and then would puke them back up (tmi?). I have never gone a week without just one chocolate or just one handful of chips. I almost caved a few times, but each time when I decided to stay strong, I felt so stupidly proud of myself I wanted to cry. I know that's lame but seriously. 29 years and I have never gone more than a week without chocolate, chips or candy.
Sometimes I am worried people will think I am cocky, or bragging. But that's not fair to myself. I am working hard and I am proud of it. I have been on the other end of the spectrum and I don't want to be there anymore. I'm proud of every step I've taken, no matter how small, or what people think of me talking about it.
I lost a little bit of weight, which is always encouraging, especially when you're working hard and have a cruise coming up. I didn't lose a ton because I still ate a few bad foods. But strengthening my mental muscle and being able to say no to doughnuts when they are just sitting in the kitchen (rude) is so much more important to me than what the scale says. You might think, who cares, have a doughnut. But I can 100% guarantee you that I would not have just one doughnut. I'd have at least 2, and then I would eat bad for lunch and pick up something crappy for dinner, and of course a dessert. It starts a binge for me, and that's what I am working on getting away from.
I am definitely a little scared to try and introduce moderation right now, I think I am going to try and keep going until the cruise where I plan to eat all the things and screw anything resembling moderation. But as for May... I think I might try and work on the bad foods I allowed in April, like pizza, fries, burgers etc.
Linking up with Alyssa and Tracy.
I have a half marathon on Saturday, and I'll be real. I'll probably pig out afterwards because if you can't pig out after running 13 miles, when can you?