Kristen and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Warning: this post contains swearing, because I was in a really loopy/bad mood when I wrote it.

Last Wednesday, I got up on the wrong side of the bed.

I used to roll my eyes at that saying.. but seriously. It was true last Wednesday, the day I happened to post my Spring goals.

It actually started Tuesday night. KC is healthier than me and never gives into junk. It makes my life really easy when I am trying to be 'good'.

So imagine my surprise when he brings this home on Tuesday night.

When I say KC is healthier than me, I mean it. He can resist treats or the need to go get one way better than me.. but every now and again we have a fatty day where we get one of these and eat the whole thing within 24 hours. It's not normally on a weekday though.

There goes goal #10.

I felt so sick after I ate so much of that pie (reasonable portion? What is that?) that I had to lay down to stop myself from vomiting. So I went to bed at 8pm.

I slept like crap. Chelsea is super obsessed with me at nighttime right now, and I have no idea why. It's super adorable until I roll over and she's taking up half of my pillow and I get a butt to the face. Super cute.

I woke up at 6am. I had put my just washed work pants over a chair the night before but they were still wet (wtf). I was planning on going to the gym but how would my pants dry in my gym bag? So I skipped the gym, so there goes goal #3 basically. If I don't work out in the morning, I'm not going to do a hardcore intense workout in the evening. Not gonna happen.

We've been locking Millie in the spare room recently because she meows all night and KC gets woken up and gets really mad. It doesn't bother me, but whatever. I hate locking her up or letting her out, I make KC do that because it makes me feel like a horrible person.

Today, I let her out, she comes running out like MUM I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU and I notice of course she threw up a hairball overnight.

But it's okay because she's super cuddly and happy until she's like bitch, put me down, complete with a few scratches to the face.

Chuck the still-wet pants in the dryer. Dryer already has clothes in it of course it does. Get ready for work. Could not find mascara, used different mascara. Poked self in eye. So fun. This mascara sucks, why do I even keep it? Put it back in the makeup storage rather than throwing it away. Real smart.

Brand new pimple on chin. Screw you pimple.

Get pants out of dryer. KC has a day off, but he gets up anyway (apparently I am loud in the morning). As I am finishing getting ready, he asks 'did you know your pants are ripped?'

WTF NO I did not know that, if I knew that I wouldn't be wearing them, how long have I been wearing pants with a hole on my butt why didn't anyone tell me?!

So I grab other pants. They were inside out, I put them right and they are COVERED in lint. WTF.

I don't have time for this shit (I have plenty of time because I skipped the gym). Grab 3rd pair of pants, but they aren't black so I had to change my top because I don't know how to match things.

Okay. Finally. Walk out the door. Get in car. Petrol light on. RAGE.

Stop to get petrol. Freaking starts freaking fucking snowing and I'm not wearing gloves. OKAY NO BIG DEAL.

On the drive to work, someone slams on their brakes at an orange light so I have to as well. My bag (which OF COURSE) was unzipped goes flying and everything in it ends up on my dashboard or the floor.

Finally get to work. I'm super pissed off for some reason. Park my car in a really great spot, coincidentally next to the dumpster (sounds gross but it's not). Guy comes running out of the building 'you can't park there, they can't get to the dumpster'. Why the hell are there witches hats (what you call traffic cones) around the dumpster, but not in that spot then? Don't you think you should perhaps move the witches hats? HUH? DON'T YOU?

Move to an equally fine parking spot. Accidentally get my coat stuck in my door. Stamp my feet a little like a child, but that ends up hurting my feet and not making me feel better at all.

Finally get to the office. Coffee pot was left on last night so it's all burned and gross and smells like shit, no worries guys, I'll clean it up.

Girl at work notices I'm not having the best morning, gives me 3 chocolates. Screw you goal #10.

KC has the day off and drops me off a huge soda. Screw moderation. Thanks babe, feeling better already.

10 minutes later, a whole department goes out to lunch. Um, last time they invited me. How fucking rude. Fuck all y'all.

Okay, time for lunch. Notice I didn't bring any fucking lunch. Nothing in my drawers.

Remembers that awkward moment when I was like 22 and I wrote draws instead of drawers and someone made fun of me, and get mad about it all over again.

What the hell am I supposed to eat for lunch? Okay, screw goal #2. Order a sandwich.

They gave me the wrong sandwich. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.

Remembers my pants with the huge hole in them. I did buy 2 new pairs from express a couple weeks ago, but they are super tight and I was planning on losing a couple lbs before I wore them to work. What am I supposed to do? Starve myself for a week so they fit comfortably, or stop at Target on the way home? Guess I'm gonna have to say bye to goal #1.

No toilet paper in the bathroom.

Have to move money from savings to checking because I forgot I sent the mortgage check early. Bye goal #6.

Get home. Had the rest of that chocolate pie for dinner. Almost felt bad for myself, but then.. alcohol.

Also, I decided for this Spring, I am going with America's dates, and it doesn't start till March 20th. Okay? OKAY.

Linking up with my ahole bros.