Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Kristen and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Warning: this post contains swearing, because I was in a really loopy/bad mood when I wrote it.

Last Wednesday, I got up on the wrong side of the bed.

I used to roll my eyes at that saying.. but seriously. It was true last Wednesday, the day I happened to post my Spring goals.

It actually started Tuesday night. KC is healthier than me and never gives into junk. It makes my life really easy when I am trying to be 'good'.

So imagine my surprise when he brings this home on Tuesday night.


When I say KC is healthier than me, I mean it. He can resist treats or the need to go get one way better than me.. but every now and again we have a fatty day where we get one of these and eat the whole thing within 24 hours. It's not normally on a weekday though.

There goes goal #10.

I felt so sick after I ate so much of that pie (reasonable portion? What is that?) that I had to lay down to stop myself from vomiting. So I went to bed at 8pm.

I slept like crap. Chelsea is super obsessed with me at nighttime right now, and I have no idea why. It's super adorable until I roll over and she's taking up half of my pillow and I get a butt to the face. Super cute.

I woke up at 6am. I had put my just washed work pants over a chair the night before but they were still wet (wtf). I was planning on going to the gym but how would my pants dry in my gym bag? So I skipped the gym, so there goes goal #3 basically. If I don't work out in the morning, I'm not going to do a hardcore intense workout in the evening. Not gonna happen.


We've been locking Millie in the spare room recently because she meows all night and KC gets woken up and gets really mad. It doesn't bother me, but whatever. I hate locking her up or letting her out, I make KC do that because it makes me feel like a horrible person.

Today, I let her out, she comes running out like MUM I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU and I notice of course she threw up a hairball overnight.

But it's okay because she's super cuddly and happy until she's like bitch, put me down, complete with a few scratches to the face.

Chuck the still-wet pants in the dryer. Dryer already has clothes in it of course it does. Get ready for work. Could not find mascara, used different mascara. Poked self in eye. So fun. This mascara sucks, why do I even keep it? Put it back in the makeup storage rather than throwing it away. Real smart.

Brand new pimple on chin. Screw you pimple.

Get pants out of dryer. KC has a day off, but he gets up anyway (apparently I am loud in the morning). As I am finishing getting ready, he asks 'did you know your pants are ripped?'

WTF NO I did not know that, if I knew that I wouldn't be wearing them, how long have I been wearing pants with a hole on my butt why didn't anyone tell me?!


So I grab other pants. They were inside out, I put them right and they are COVERED in lint. WTF.

I don't have time for this shit (I have plenty of time because I skipped the gym). Grab 3rd pair of pants, but they aren't black so I had to change my top because I don't know how to match things.

Okay. Finally. Walk out the door. Get in car. Petrol light on. RAGE.


Stop to get petrol. Freaking starts freaking fucking snowing and I'm not wearing gloves. OKAY NO BIG DEAL.

On the drive to work, someone slams on their brakes at an orange light so I have to as well. My bag (which OF COURSE) was unzipped goes flying and everything in it ends up on my dashboard or the floor.

Finally get to work. I'm super pissed off for some reason. Park my car in a really great spot, coincidentally next to the dumpster (sounds gross but it's not). Guy comes running out of the building 'you can't park there, they can't get to the dumpster'. Why the hell are there witches hats (what you call traffic cones) around the dumpster, but not in that spot then? Don't you think you should perhaps move the witches hats? HUH? DON'T YOU?


Move to an equally fine parking spot. Accidentally get my coat stuck in my door. Stamp my feet a little like a child, but that ends up hurting my feet and not making me feel better at all.

Finally get to the office. Coffee pot was left on last night so it's all burned and gross and smells like shit, no worries guys, I'll clean it up.

Girl at work notices I'm not having the best morning, gives me 3 chocolates. Screw you goal #10.

KC has the day off and drops me off a huge soda. Screw moderation. Thanks babe, feeling better already.

10 minutes later, a whole department goes out to lunch. Um, last time they invited me. How fucking rude. Fuck all y'all.


Okay, time for lunch. Notice I didn't bring any fucking lunch. Nothing in my drawers.

Remembers that awkward moment when I was like 22 and I wrote draws instead of drawers and someone made fun of me, and get mad about it all over again.

What the hell am I supposed to eat for lunch? Okay, screw goal #2. Order a sandwich.

They gave me the wrong sandwich. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.


Remembers my pants with the huge hole in them. I did buy 2 new pairs from express a couple weeks ago, but they are super tight and I was planning on losing a couple lbs before I wore them to work. What am I supposed to do? Starve myself for a week so they fit comfortably, or stop at Target on the way home? Guess I'm gonna have to say bye to goal #1.

No toilet paper in the bathroom.

Have to move money from savings to checking because I forgot I sent the mortgage check early. Bye goal #6.

Get home. Had the rest of that chocolate pie for dinner. Almost felt bad for myself, but then.. alcohol.


Also, I decided for this Spring, I am going with America's dates, and it doesn't start till March 20th. Okay? OKAY.

Linking up with my ahole bros.

More Coffee Less Talky

96 comments:

  1. Oh dang girl. I think after the first few things I would have just crawled back in bed, threw the covers over my head and said NOPE to the rest of the day! <3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes

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  2. First of all--I'm so sorry you had this kind of day, but I'm SO glad you documented it for us. Your writing is so entertaining! Also? I love that you call yellow lights orange lights and traffic cones witches hats. I'll have a glass of wine "with" you tonight :-D

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  3. OH darling, you ready did have a terrible horrible no good rotten day. I am soooo sorry, that is just the worst. I hate when days start off wrong and then just roll down hill. YOu have such a great voice when you write that I couldn't help but left and feel sorry for you. ps.com LOVE the term witches hat, that's awesome! Hope you don't have any more bad days!!!

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  4. Oh man, that sounds like a real stinker. When I have days like that I end up in an absolutely ragingly foul mood by about 6pm at which point I really just need to put myself in time out and go to bed. Nothing else works, not even chocolate (gasp).

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  5. Oh my word, what a horrible day. Thank goodness it is over. AND you have a great blog post from it. Those are the worse days when you just cannot turn it around!

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  6. Oh man, what a bad day. I hate it when one annoying thing spirals into another etc. etc. For me it makes it even more annoying if my husband says "if you'd just stop complaining, you'd have a better day" hahaha. That chocolate cake pie thing looks SO yummy though just fyi ;)

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  7. The day started and ended with the chocolate pie (which looks sooo good btw), haha. I laughed at KC mentioning the hole in your pants, because I can just see him saying it so innocently, like no big deal not realizing it was just one more thing. Hope the next day was much, much better!

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  8. Yikes- some days are like that. Good news is... the next day HAS to be better. And if not, there's always more pie (which looked heavenly BTW!). Hope today is better and that you make today work! Rachel -CubicleCouture

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  9. And p.s.-- Love how you call them "witches hats" and "petrol" Love love love the colloquialisms (thank goodness for spell check on that one!)!!

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  10. Um, girl, I definitely would have gone back to bed! At least that day is over? :)

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  11. oh my god what a DAY. we've all had them. but i swear writing it out (and swearing it out) is the best remedy. here's hoping things are on the upswing now sister!

    xoxo cheshire kat

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  12. aw, Kristen!! The odds were most definitely NOT in your favor that day! I think the one that got me was the slamming of breaks and contents of your bag flying everywhere. I HATE THAT. And it usually leads to something going missing after that because it hides under the passenger seat or something and I don't find it for months until I slam my breaks again and it comes out from hiding! I hope your Thursday was better than Wednesday!

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  13. Oh Lord, this made me really lol several times but I feel your pain. It started with the pie, clearly the pie's fault. That little girl eating the cereal is perfect though!!! Hope you have a great day today!

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  14. That is a day. That is indeed a day. Dog pile on the rabbit!

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  15. 1. That pie. Reasonable portion size...is that half the pie? Or does KC get more since he brought it home & you only get 1/3? Either way.
    2. Getting the wrong sandwich pretty much would have been the end for me. Bless the soul of whomever screwed that one up, because they're getting a phone call & bringing me the right sandwich, plus a coupon & a cookie. For free.
    3. This day blew, but I'm glad you wrote about it because I can definitely relate.

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  16. Oh girl, this made me laugh. I have totally had days like this. If my morning starts out bad, I know the rest of the day is downhill from there. I use to think I could maybe change it around but nope the day just gets worse and worse. We have all been there. Better days lie ahead.

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  17. OH LORD! What a crappy day. UGH UGH. I hate that. I hate it. It's the worst to wake up to a bad series of things... and have it get no better! :( At least KC told you about your pants.. but why had no one else... #rude. I hope it's a very long time until you have a day that bad again. Also, witch hats is so much more adorable than traffic cones. I am in a post-vacation funk. Usually I'm pretty ready to be home. To some extent I was... but I'm having major feelings about how much I dislike my job right now. oy. Xo - Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

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  18. omg what a shit day but HOLY FUCK this made me laugh so hard. so sorry you had such a crappy day. we all have those but at least you got to eat yummy things.sometimes we just need to say fuck you, goals!

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  19. Cat vomit + cat hair can ruin a day like nobody's business. At least a few people tried to make it better? Spring can totally start March 20th, why not? I had a bad day last week too (actually, it might have been Wednesday...) and self-medicated with chocolate and wine. You aren't alone!

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  20. Those kinds of days when everything goes wrong suck! But I like your plan of using March 20th as the start date for March goals ;)

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  21. This sounds like a super shitty day, BUT you made me laugh -- also, that pie looks amazing. I'm going to start calling my gas light the petrol light and see if people say anything. I love it!! Just think -- at least you got that day out of the way, so you're safe for at least a few weeks. :)

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  22. I had a day like this in high school and I'll never forget it, I still feel like it might have been the worst day ever. Not for any specific reason but at the end of it I just lost my shit, threw stuff around my room and yelled. My sister thought I was nuts.

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  23. Spring hasn't started yet so you're still golden! I shouldn't even admit this b/c its super embarassing but I always though hairballs were just a myth! hahaha I've owned three cats in my life and its never happened

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  24. OH WTF. That is a crap day for sure & I'm sorry you had to go through it. Grrrr. But on the upside, you gave us one hell of a story AND you said orange lights & witch hats! I love it!

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  25. The pie looks amazing... Also, all I can think about is your use of "petrol", "witches hats", and "orange lights." Hahaha :)
    Maaan, I hope you week improves! Have soon alcohol!

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  26. I hate bad days like that!! I'm sorry it sucked so bad. I hate when I overeat and all I can do is curl in a ball and loathe myself.

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  27. I so had to laugh at some of this... ONLY because I've been there & done that. Some days, its like the whole world is literally against you.
    BUT YOU SURVIVED!!!!!! :) YEAHHHH!!!

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  28. I hope you can laugh at this horrible day now...because just reading how things went from bad to worse to redic made me chuckle a bit. And I love how you call them witch hats haha! That's so cute! I hope that since then you've had pleasant days :)

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  29. Seriously, WTF - WHY DO DAYS LIKE THIS HAPPEN OR EXIST AT ALL?! I feel for you, lady. I hope you got through it okay.

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  30. Knew the "and then alcohol" was coming eventually. When it rains, it pours, doesn't it!? The sweet coworkers, kitties and hub always help :)

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  31. Holy hell, that's a bad day. I did get a kick out of you calling them witches hats and petrol, though. I also laughed at you a bit. #sorrynotsorry

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  32. LOL! I'm not laughing at you; it truly was a horrible day! But this post is funny and entertaining! I definitely would have had pie and alcohol for dinner after that! I hope things are looking up!

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  33. Sounds like everything that could of gone wrong went wrong...What a frustrating day so maybe you deserved the chocolate cake and alcohol to make up for it. lol You can work on the goals another day.

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  34. OMG, you have me rolling on the floor! I feel like this describes most of my days!

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

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  35. Oh what a wretched day! But you're a champion and you got through it! And you added excellent memes to boot!

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  36. Ugh!! That sounds like a pretty terrible day, I guess it makes you appreciate the good days a little bit more. The wrong sandwich would have probably made me cry!

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  37. Ugh I feel your pain. I was having a rough week a couple of weeks back (that I blog-complained about) but I think your day wins. I am the one who always craves sweets too, but it seems like the times I'm not craving them and trying to be good, Michael's like, "Let's get Blizzards" or something. WHY?!

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  38. Holy awful terrible no-good day. I haven't had one of those terrible ones in the longest time and I've learned that chaos all begins with a pie. 'Witches hats', however, is hilarious and fitting.

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  39. Oh man!!!! I hate days like that!! They usually happen on Tuesdays for me. Tuesdays just suck!!!! And a hole in the pants would just trump all my day and I would be pissed. Ughhhh! Hopefully you are having a better day!!! You deserved that pie...and chocolate...and soda...obviously!

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  40. Days like this are the absolute worst! Surviving is just enough to warrant all the treats and alcohol and early bedtime... oh and not having to make dinner.

    Hopefully the rest of the week will not continue in this same projection.
    Also, I'm so glad when other people have different names for things like witches hats instead of traffic cones..

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  41. Yuck! What an awful day! Just one thing after another...you survived though! Hooray!

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  42. Oh girl, what a rough day! That sounds like something straight out of a sitcom. I hope the rest of this week is WAY better for you!

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  43. Oh my goodness that sounds like the worst day ever! If it makes you feel any better, I totally end up stomping my feet or throwing stuff around when I get frustrated, and it generally doesn't make me feel better either. And I'm glad that you had alcohol when you got home! I totally would have done the same thing because you deserved it after that rotten day!

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  44. OMG this cracked me up!! Not that I like that you had a bad day... but damn girl!!!! I hope you had mucho alcohol after all that!!! At least you saw the day through, I would have gone "fuck this" and just stayed home. :-)

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  45. Omg!!!! I swear those days are the worst!!! Like everything you do just goes wrong! I think you definitely deserved that chocolate pie!

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeat Soles

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  46. Hahaha, oh man, thanks for a good laugh! I mean, I know you had a shitty day, but look at all the people who got a good laugh out of it! I think it was worth it for making everyone laugh! ;) Best line: "Remembers that awkward moment when I was like 22 and I wrote draws instead of drawers and someone made fun of me, and get mad about it all over again." ---> why do we have to remember stuff like this?! Hahaha, so funny.

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  47. I'm dying. This is hilarious. Though I'm sure it was anything but hilarious as it was happening.

    Thank God for chocolate pie and alcohol, though!

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  48. Man o man....what a day. I don't think I've had a day like that in a while. But I have had them so I know your pain. Now I will say I had quite a laugh reading this ONLY because of your writing. I love swear words....nothing makes me feel better like a good solid F-word when the occasion calls for and I feel like it calls for it a lot! That Brandi meme is the best.

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  49. Oooooh man days like that are the absolute worst, but that pie! I was drooling over it when you posted it on snap last week. I totally would have eaten so much of it that I'd feel sick too with no shame! Pie and alcohol fix all <3
    Green Fashionista

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  50. This pretty much sounded like my Monday but add in going to the Post Office first thing in the morning and walk in to find a line 15 people deep and one person working and trying to lug around a 50 lb box to return. Thank you Monday. Yes girl alcohol for the win always.

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  51. Ohh jeez those types of days where one thing starts out bad and feels like a domino effect the rest of the day is just the absolute worst!! Sweets & Alcohol sound like the perfect remedy though!!

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  52. I think we ALL have a post with the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" somewhere in the title (I have two), because some days it is just needed. And you, my friend, picked a good day to break it out. I'm sorry about this whole day! How frustrating from head to toe. PS minor grievances that happen as you get ready for work are huge deals. No one has time for that. I hope that alcohol was as good as I believe it was to you. At the very least, thanks for the fun read!

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  53. Aww man, that sounds awful. :( Glad you got some alcohol after what you went through! Also, I think I need to start calling traffic cones witches hats from now on because that is fantastic!

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  54. Days like this are the worst (and I'm with you - Derek is so much healthier then me and I'm like common can we please just indulge together!)

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  55. Seriously hate these kind of days! Hope you indulged in like 1 million glasses of wine!

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  56. Oh NO!! It does sound like "one" of those days!! Sorry Kristen, hope your week is improving!!

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  57. I was expecting so much more cursing. I'll do it for you. Fuck last fucking Wednesday. It fucking sucked balls.

    Neil is just as bad, if not worse, than I am as far as eating habits go. So, he doesn't help me stay "good" at all.

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  58. I have to second Erin's comment. I swear more than that when I'm having a fabulous day, so I said a few f-bombs for you in honor of your truly fucking shitty day.
    I'm sorry you had such an awful day. Days like that really take the wind out of your sails, don't they? I had one a few weeks ago and I literally sat and cried in my car for 2 minutes before I had to go in and meet my friends for happy hour. Sometimes there's nothing else you can do but close your eyes and just know bad luck streaks can't last forever.
    Hope you've had nothing but glorious and oops-free days since then <3

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  59. Maybe we could just blame KC for that pie...because that started the chain reaction!
    Do you have to wear pants to work? I wear pants like once a month lol. Skirts/dresses are so much easier.

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  60. Ugh, those are the worst kind of days! Hope the last week has been better :)

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  61. This sounds like such a frustrating day! Days like that are honestly horrible - isn't it the worst when something as glorious as pie ends so horribly!

    xx, Caitlin
    www.wandererandwolf.com

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  62. Omg I would have cried! And I certainly would have fucking cursed way more than that. Lol. We all have bad days sometimes so don't sweat it! Hope this week was better!

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  63. Oh Lord!! This sounds like such a miserable, horrible day!! I had one just like this not so long ago and it sucked! Hope this week was much improved!! X

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  64. I feel so much better that other people have days like this! If it helps your crappy day made me feel better about my life, as it often feels like everyone else is walking around in this bubble of ultra calm matching outfits, here's the smoothy I made before work for after my gym session and there is me sat at my desk literally unable to remember what pants (kinickers) I am wearing as I was having a bad morning and got dressed in like under 2 minutes!

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  65. Oh gosh...we all have days like this - I think looking back on it and seeing how much actually didn't go your way sometimes makes it worse!! Hope this week has been better! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  66. Oh boy. What a mess. I've definitely had those days.

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  67. Oh wow, that really was an awful day! I think I would have literally cried at the point where I had to change into the third pair of trousers!

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  68. Um ... wow. Please tell me the next day was better! Thank you for making me laugh, but I'm sure you didn't mean to. Just think though - you DID survive and the next time a crappy day comes up, you can say "well, at least it wasn't like that other one!" ... and if it's worse? Then seriously, go home and go to bed. :)

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  69. Hahaha I love you Kristen! I have shit days like this all the time...let's drink wine and complain about them all together :)

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  70. I am rolling with laughter! Not at your shitty day, but you are hilarious!

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  71. Ahhhh, when it rains, it pours! I definitely had a day like this yesterday, you aren't alone. I cried over a new pimple because I'm so sick of waking up to break outs all the time now (thanks hormones) and then I felt like a terrible person for crying over a pimple... so yeah, that was my day!

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  72. LOL thank you for this. That pie looks delicious though, seriously, where's it from? Not that I want one, but someday I might need a chocolate pie for something. You know.

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  73. Oh geez. *giant hugs*

    My problem is that Zack can eat a tonne of crap and stay skinny and he buys all these cookies and junk and my philosophy is if it's there it needs to be eaten, so it's all his fault, I have no control.

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  74. "I'm super pissed off for some reason." Girl, you had reason already. I get grumpy if I eat too much and feel blah, plus you already had a terrible morning by that point! That was a totally shite day. If you didn't shed any tears, you did better than I would!

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  75. Whew girl! I guess it happens to the best of us right? That pie though...whoaaa yum (haha) I hope the rest of your week has been good and cheers to the almost weekend! xo

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  76. oh my goodness! That sounds like the worst day ever! I'm glad you made it through and I hope this weekend in a 100x better! Jess at Just Jess

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  77. bless your heart!! what a truly awful day. i think you've gotten in your rotten day quota for the year! cheers for the weekend being so, so much better.

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  78. That is ONE crappy day. I've got those days too. Hope the week picked up after that! At least you remember to pay your mortgage. We've been late on rent and it's a $100 late fee. Grrrr.

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  79. The never ending crappy day, I'm glad you got through it and now it's Friday. Hopefully your week has gone much better!

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  80. Ugh lady!! Sorry you had such a shitty day :( I swear when it rains it pours, I had one of those days last week and near the end of it I was ready to pull my hair out and was like f**k everything, and ate junk food on the couch watching Netflix hahahaha hope you are having a good day today though!! xx

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  81. Those days feel like they just go on and on, huh? I feel like days with a series of small unfortunate events defeat me more than a day with one large problem. I know a lot of people tout positivity but sometimes complaining feels so good! Hope the rest of the week and the weekend is good for you!

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  82. Chocolate pie for dinner! Someone walked by my desk and saw the chocolate pie and asked if that was a recipe I was going to try. I was like hell no! I'm not going to make it but I *would* buy it and eat it. Your story reminds me of a time I bought a banana crème pie with the intention of eating some. NOT ALL of it within a day. I ate half in one sitting!!! Granted, it was a smaller version but still.... who does that?
    Hope your day got better!

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  83. First, that pie looks amazing. I totally would have wolfed that shit down.

    I have days/weeks/months (yes, months!) like this sometimes. It fucking sucks, and sometimes it takes me a while to pull myself out of my funk because I'm like, "I suck at life. I can't accomplish my goals. I can't catch a break." Blah blah blah.

    I had a pretty horrible day not too long ago and I literally sat on the couch and cried for what felt like forever, sulking and feeling sorry for myself for the rest of the evening. I find crying cathartic, so I actually did feel a little better when I was done ... But the sulking/feeling sorry for myself? Yeah, that didn't help. In fact, it made me feel even worse because I realized I'd just wasted an entire evening when I had at least 10 things I wanted to accomplish (including fun stuff like working on a blog post or reading). Instead I did nothing.

    I hope things have gotten better since this post! All days can't be super shitty, right? :-)

    Oh, and I expected a lot more swearing! I swear a lot, though, so it would probably take a LOT of curse words for me to think, "Whoa!" Haha.

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  84. Oh my god.
    Okay. I am so sorry that you had such a shit day but I have to say that it literally made for one of the best posts. I nearly peed myself laughing, especially at how you wrote it. Just fantastic. As for the swearing, you're good. I curse like a sailor. The few things that slip in my posts... that's actually really good for me. The f word is literally my favorite word of all time. Why do we always remember bad crap that happened to us like years ago, at the worst times. All my bad or embarrassing moments come to me when I'm trying to sleep at like 3am.

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  85. Dang. When it rains is pours. I hope things have been going well since this day!

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  86. I know this was a bad day, but this post cracked me up! I love how you're like bye goal #6... c'mon, it's only one day, you've still got this! nothing some wine can't cure :)

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  87. I should probably apologize because your bad day totally made me laugh. ;-) I hate it for you . . . but I suppose it makes us appreciate the good days!

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  88. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This post is the best, not because you had a bad day (er, sorry) but because you are hilarious. HILARIOUS. Screw goal #10 to hell, I say! :)

    I eat pies in one whole sitting too. That't why I CANNOT buy them.

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  89. Oh girl! I have had days like that, too - not to discount your crappy day. Totally been there, though.
    The stamping the foot until it hurts thing - totally me! Ah. Glad that day is over. Hope you're having a better day today!

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  90. Why is it that on some days one bad thing just sets off a domino effect and every single bad thing ever seems to be happening one right after the other? But high-five! You made it through :)

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  91. Ugh...I just HATE days like these! Sometimes, it's never ending. But I'm glad to see you survived!

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  92. I don't mean to laugh but I definitely laughed at this post. Not because of the terrible things that happened on your terrible day, but because of your GIFs and the way you explained your day. :) Anyways, I'm sorry you had such a poopy day and I hope you don't have any more like it any time soon!! Thanks for eating a piece of that pie for me because it looks really good! ;)

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  93. I had to comment (weeks later I know). Dont hate me for laughing either but this really was the funniest bad day ever. Not even tp in the bathroom. Lawd!

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