Friday, July 24, 2015

Why I'd be the best bridesmaid ever

I might have mentioned a time or two that I have never been a bridesmaid. I'm not bitter about it at all, promise.


Seriously though, I don't know why one of my friends hasn't asked me, in my opinion I think I would make a great bridesmaid. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why.



First off, since I have never been a bridesmaid before, I can go all out for your wedding and wear a ridiculously overpriced dress, shoes, jewellery etc and I won't complain one iota because I'll just be grateful that you want me there next to you.

Also, I will wear whatever you want, unless you want me to be naked and in that case, I don't want to be your bridesmaid. But puffy 80s style or a colour that doesn't suit me? I can dig it, it's your day.



I'll get excited about everything! Flowers, place cards, seating arrangements - boring but you'd never know it because I will have my excited face on ALL THE TIME.

I will attend all the things - your two bridal showers, your couples shower, your bachelorette party (parties?), luncheons, dress fittings, rehearsals - you name it, I'll be there. With a smile on my face.


I will not be the inappropriate bridesmaid who gets super drunk or goes home with a groomsman, or gives a horrible speech. I will not embarrass you. I will not be bitchy or complain.

I can give a fabulous speech. I think. I'm pretty sure. Well, I wouldn't know, would I?


I will hold all the knowledge in my head. Kristen, who got me the Kitchenaid mixer? Why, your great Aunt Mildred did, bride. What time did I say the rehearsal dinner was? It's at 6pm, your majesty. You can count on me!

I would be super supportive - hold your dress while you pee, be the ear you need to vent to about your crazy soon to be in laws, drive the getaway car if you change your mind, do shots before you walk down the aisle - you name it, I'm there for you.



I will make sure you look pretty. Gone are the days when I wouldn't tell you that your hair was messed up just a little, or you had spinach in your teeth, or your bra was showing. I will tell you all the things to make sure you look fabulous in all the photos. But just don't have spinach at your wedding, k?

I will dance all.night.long. Even if the music is bad (which it won't be because you have great taste!) my booty will be shaking the whole night, because if the bridal party doesn't dance, who will?


I'll give you a fabulous gift. I'm pretty sure I'm amazing at gift giving, in my own opinion anyway, but if I was your bridesmaid I would pick the most sentimental, useful, beautiful gift so that you'd never regret asking me.

Obviously this is all a joke and I don't particularly want to be some stranger's bridesmaid, and I'm really not bitter or mad at my so called friends for not asking me... really, it's all in good fun. I'm jealous of Katherine Heigl because she has so many friends that consider her a close enough friend to ask. Yes, I know she's not real.



Just like I'm allowed to be sad that I'll never have a father-daughter dance (even though I am extremely glad my father is not in my life), I'm allowed to be sad that I'll never get to be there for someone's special day and be that good of a friend to someone. I'm not bitter about it, that's life but you're allowed to be like 'womp womp, I'll never get to do that'. I know lots of people say I'm not missing anything - spending money, attending all the things etc etc. But I just wanted to prove that I could. You know, on the internet.. without actually doing anything.

So... you getting married soon? Need a bridesmaid?

58 comments:

  1. hahaha I love this! I was a bridesmaid for a cousin's wedding when I was about 12...wasn't all the hype I thought it would be ;) haha I'm quite glad a few close friends have started asking me to their bachelorette and showers, etc. I love to get to know people before the actual wedding!x

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  2. Hahaha love this. I won't say you're not missing anything because it can be pretty fun, and I think you'd make a fab bridesmaid. Anyone would. Sorry to hear you haven't gotten to do it yet <3 But seriously, you've turned that into a fabulous post x

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  3. LOLLLL I Love this! And trust me, you aren't missing anything not being a bridesmaid. It's fun and an honor to be picked but you never have nearly as much fun on the actually wedding day because you're constantly running around. And when you get drunk pictures pop up EVERYWHERE proving how drunk you were because you were a bridesmaid so the photographer picks you out of a crowd. Embarrassing. LOL! But yes, you would make an amazing bridesmaid!

    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

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  4. Ah it's the worst! I have been twice and hope to never be asked again!!!!

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  5. I've only been one once. All my other besties are still single. I mean, c'mon guys, get it together- I want to be in another wedding!!! Haha I enjoy anything having to do with weddings and babies. What's not to love about celebrating love?!

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  6. Haha my next bridesmaid stint is coming up in December! I've actually really loved being a bridesmaid during the (many) weddings I've participated in. And hey, you never know, someone may ask you years down the line!

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  7. girl, you are too funny! My friend is a bridesmaid and the wedding is in Septemeber. It's been nothing but stressful. Oh and the money she has had to spend. It's so crazy. Oh and no she can't wear heels cause no one can be taller than the bride. I have only been a bridesmaid once and I am good with that.

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  8. The way to go is to be close enough to the bride to almost make the cut for bridesmaid. Then, you get invited to the bachelorette weekend, the rehearsal dinner, etc without all the responsibilities of a bridesmaid. Those are the weddings that I have the most fun going to!

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  9. HAHA I enjoyed this...it made me laugh! I was a bridesmaid once and it was alright but I was young then and the wedding was such a rush because he was about to deploy. I feel like if I were to do it now it would be completely different.

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  10. I'm totally feeling this right now! Ryan and I are eloping fairly soon, and even though I chose it, I'm still a little bummed at all the bride-y things I won't get to do. And how my sisters are too busy for me. If I was having a real wedding, they'd be fired as bridesmaids and you'd be it. :)

    I've been a bridesmaid 3 times now. The first 2 times were eh, but the last one was for my sister's wedding in June and it was a blast. I think it really just depends on the group of people you end up with.

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  11. I was the matron of honour at my sister's wedding...it was a breeze because she is slightly OCD and had everything done months ahead of time. I did have to do a speech (nailed it though!) calm her down a bit and be happy and excited all the time (which I was anyway) but it was great. Other than that, I doubt I will ever be in another wedding. This post inspired me to watch 27 dresses again this weekend...love that scene at the end!!! lol. Love Katherine Heigl too! I hope you get your chance someday...but at least you got to be a bride already, which is more fun anyway!

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  12. I have a love/hate relationship with being a bridesmaid. Since I do a little wedding planning on the side, I always get suckered in to way too much responsiblity. But ulitimately it's really fun. I really love planning thngs!

    My bridesmaids are all waiting for me to give them something to do, but so far I have everything taken care of and planned.

    The one thing I don't get about Southern weddings is ALL. THE. BRIDESMAIDS. (and I'm a born & raised southerner) Most weddings in the South have at least 10 bridesmaids. I do not know 10 girls well enough. I only have 3! By the laws of the South, I do not have enough bridesmaids. So, if you want to travel to GA, I can always use another bridesmaid. haha ;)

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  13. I think doing it once is cool. More than once is a financial burden- these things can end up getting super pricy (and time consuming). That being said, if I ever when the lotto (that I don't play), I'd build a cool venue and be an event/wedding planner. I love weddings!

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  14. I feel the same way! I just want to be asked! It's like, I had no amazing friends in my early-mid 20s and now that I'm 30, most of my friends are already married so the ship has sailed. I have one friend who has basically already asked me, even though she isn't engaged, but I don't like her boyfriend so that's going to be awkward but I will probably still do it because that's what friends do, right?

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  15. LOL this made me laugh. But I'm sorry you won't get to do it and you want to! That's valid to womp over. After 13 weddings, I was happy to retire as a bridesmaid in November. Peace out brides, I'll check you out from the seats.

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  16. This is hilarious! I'm getting married next May, but it's going to be in Belize. You're more than welcome to come and be a witness/photographer though!! (it's just the two of us or else I would totally have you as a bridesmaid ;) )

    By the way, I posted a survey on my blog yesterday and tagged you to do it! I would love to see your responses to the questions if you get a chance!

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  17. I want to renew my vows to gary so you can be a bridesmaid!!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  18. You're too funny! Great list! Some bridezillas will expect you to do all these things! It's a tough role to fill sometimes depending on the bride. ;-)

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  19. You would be the BEST - I already know :)
    I was in one wedding my whole life - but I'm making up for it becoming a wedding photographer :)
    It's funny the different kinds of bridesmaids there are - I could totally do a post on that :) haha

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  20. I would choose you as a bridesmaid! I have only ever been a jr bridesmaid which was really lame, but at least it was something.

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  21. I have no doubt that you would be an amazing bridesmaid and I ever were in the need of one (ummm hopefully not!!!) but I would expect you to hop on a plane and come on down :) Dont worry, I wont put you in a hideous dress. Haha! Perhaps no one has asked you because you will make them look bad standing there all pretty next to them.

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  22. Haha I love this & if we ever become real life awesome friends before I get married...I don't even have a man so we go time...you can totally be in my wedding.

    I go back & forth on this. Sometimes I'm like "I feel like all of my friends have been in weddings & I haven't really been in any!" But then I think, a)most of my close friends aren't even married yet... & b) having been a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding a few years ago (& somehow being in charge of/paying for everything despite not being the MOH) & being the MOH in my friend's wedding next September... I'm thinking not being in weddings every month is a good thing. The money! The stress! The speech I'm terrified to give!

    I'm grateful to have been asked to be in the 2 weddings that I have so far, & if any of my friends in the future ask me to be in theirs I will be thrilled then too, but more & more I'm happier to only be in a few rather than 27.

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  23. You should start standing outside of city hall buildings with a sign that reads "Bridesmaid for hire"! Haha! This was so fun. I haven't been in many weddings, but I'm totally alright with that. Bridesmaid-ing is a lot of work!

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  24. aww you would be a GREAT bridesmaid bc you seem like a great friend! so i do hope somebody you love asks you soon! xo jillian - cornflake dreams

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  25. I have been a bridesmaid in 4 weddings and while yes they are crazy and expensive, it honestly IS fun- so I hope you get to be in one someday! I feel bad for saying this now, but I really am sad I never got to be someone's Maid/Matron of Honor.... like being in a bridal party is cool and all, but couldn't SOMEONE just want be to be their it-girl?! LOL- I officially am ready to be in another wedding now thanks to your post.

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  26. Round 2, I'll be calling you, my friend! xx Happy weekend :)

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  27. LOL, you are hilarious!! Where do you think of this stuff?? Did you happen to watch Bridesmaids recently on TBS or something?? I am not currently in the market for bridesmaids but if that changes or I hear of an opening, believe me you will be top of the list!

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  28. This is so damn funny!!

    The husband and I joke that we're going to get divorced and remarried so we can get all new stuff. You can totally be a bridesmaid!

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  29. I've been a bridesmaid three times (twice for friends, once for my mom), but I've never been a guest at a wedding. I've been invited to two (that I can remember) but couldn't make it to either one.

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  30. Love this! I have been a bridesmaid a couple of times, MOH once, but I definitely can't relate to the 27 Dresses thing, that's a ton of weddings and I don't even have that many friends, lol!

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  31. Haha hilarious. I was first a maid of honor, then a bridesmaid, then a bride. Trust me...soooo much wine will be needed.

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  32. I would/will so pick you! Since you're in the states now it won't require crazy travel :)

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  33. I have never been asked, either. I am afraid that I would be terrible at it.

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  34. LOL, this cracks me up because I have been a MOH and bridesmaid (multiple times) and have even said no to being a bridesmaid... it's just A LOT and you are on someone else's schedule and handling their emotions tied to their big day. I didn't have a wedding party because I knew that my girlfriends would much rather have helped when they could and not felt pressured.

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  35. I love my friends, but being a bridesmaid is so stressful. My best friend is going to be engaged any minute and has been talking about her wedding for years. She is constantly calling me about wedding stuff now, and I kinda want to say can we talk about this once you're actually engaged? lol. Her engagement is going to be almost two years so we will have more than enough time. ;)

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  36. I've never been and will likely never be! Cheers to just being a guest who is allowed to be obnoxious, drink too much, show up later than intended and leave before the party is officially over! :)

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  37. Haha if it makes you feel any better, I've only been a bridesmaid once and it was my now sister in law that asked me. Something that won't make you feel better is that is was the best time of my life. Well I'd imagine being the actual bride would be better but I wouldn't know lol

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  38. I think you'd make a FABULOUS bridesmaid. I'll keep you in the queue for my future wedding. ;)

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  39. Hahaha!! I'm about to be a bridesmaid for the first time and I'm the maid of honour. I just don't have very many female friends :(

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  40. You sound like you'd be the perfect bridesmaid. If I ever renew my vows, I will totally give you a call! :)

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  41. LOL! i would make a horrible bridesmaid because i would think that everyone is doing everything wrong and would take over all the planning!

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  42. Very cute and creative post and great use of gifs! Made me laugh, well done! Love that 27 Dresses movie!!

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

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  43. I had the best giggle throughout this whole post. I've actually been a bridesmaid (though I was only 16) and it really wasn't all that. My dress was so itchy I had a rash on my body for three days, my shoes gave me blisters and the ceremony was so long that I nearly peed myself while trying not to scratch my rash covered body and trying not to saw my feet off to get rid of the damn shoes lol.

    But hey, if you were my bridesmaid - not that i'm getting married anytime soon - and you went home with one of the groomsmen I'd be like "More power to you girl!" followed up with "was he cute?" and "GIVE ME ALL THE DETAILS."

    Also, i'm right there with you on the no father/daughter dance. I'm not bitter because from everything I know, my father was just a no-good loser and i'm glad that he isn't in my life, but i'm still allowed to be bitter about it, just as you are.

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  44. Hahaha! Well, you're not alone my dear. I too have never been a bridesmaid. Why? Because none of my bestest friends have gotten married. NONE of them! One of my bridesmaids got engaged but didn't ask me to be in her wedding - she has a sister and 5 SIL's so I guess that's her party right there. My sister (my MOH) just got engaged so I'll keep my fingers crossed... And now I have a ridic cute son who'd make a great ring bearer too! Basically, I need my friends to slow their majorly fun single lifestyles down so I can buy an expensive ugly dress and get my hair done. And stop having so many sister and sister in laws to ask over me. Sheesh.

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  45. I think you would be an awesome bridesmaid. I only had to be a bridesmaid a few times and it was a lot of money but it was fun too.

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  46. I've never been in a wedding either (other than my own obviously). I doubt I ever will be, unless my SIL and her boyfriend get married but I think they're just planning on doing the living together/owning a home/having dogs thing indefinitely. I could do without all the bridesmaid responsibility but definitely sign me up for the wearing a (hopefully fairly pretty) dress and getting my hair and makeup done, thanks.

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  47. hahahahah you are so hilarious. You better pack a bikini because you're hired (if it ever happens) and you'll be getting a caribbean vacay out of it!

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  48. Oh girl you're crazy! This was hilarious!

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  49. I've missed your posts something terrible! I started posting again and I am glad that I now get to catch up with you. We follow each other on IG so we haven't been completely out of touch. :) You would make a fantastic bridesmaid! There is still time to jump into mine ;). Have a great week girl!

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  50. I was just like you, all gung ho the first time being a bridesmaid. 17 times later? Just kill me. I pray no one asks me again. I have maybe 2 friends I'd do it for, but if anyone else asks me, I'm going to politely turn them down and direct them to you!

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  51. OH my good gracious!!!! I just noticed my button on the side of your blog, and I squealed. Yep, sure did. Squealed. As for bridesmaid duties, you know I'm experienced. I'm even wondering if I helped inspire this post ;) I didn't realize it was inappropriate to get super drunk and go home with a groomsman. My bad. I'm joking. Maybe.

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  52. Welp, I'm the worst friend for just getting around to reading a post of yours from last week. Sorry love! :( listen, if I had any inclination to be an actual bride and have an actual wedding or have actual bridesmaids you would totally be one. But alas, I doubt that'll ever happen... but if it did, I do believe you'd be a fantastic bridesmaid and I'd happily have you as mine <3

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  53. Girl! There are still chances! I was just a bridesmaid this past fall. There's always that friend who gets married later in life. I bet you'll be a bridesmaid someday! And you'll be the best ever at it! :)

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  54. This is so cute and I am sure you will eventually get the honor lol. I was only a bridesmaid twice in my cousin and sister and law's weddings. One was a red dress the other light yellow which aren't exactly my colors haha. Btw when I was a bridesmaid in my sister in law's wedding it was 10 days after I had my 2nd baby! I had about just enough time to fit into that dress(with the help of some spanx!) lol xo I will be a bridesmaid in my very good friend's wedding in a year or two which I am really looking forward to helping her plan, etc. I will probably end up making her wedding cake too!

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  55. This cracked me up! I've been a bridesmaid twice, and that was enough. It wasn't that I hated it (I didn't). Weddings just aren't really my thing. (It's funny that I say that because I've already been to one wedding this year and I'll be going to another in August and a third in September.)

    If I have to go to a wedding, I prefer to just be a guest ... I don't have to worry that my hair won't hold for pictures, that I won't be able to find the right shoes, etc. I mean, to be honest, I wasn't even sold on the idea of having a wedding myself. I only did it because I was afraid I would regret it if I didn't. I'm also an only child and I thought my mom might be at least a little sad if she never got to attend a wedding as "Mother of the Bride."

    I do still have a few unmarried friends (including my best friend), though. So I'm sure there will still be a few opportunities in the future to be a bridesmaid! And, hey, you never know ... Maybe one of your currently unmarried friends will see this post and think, "I should obviously ask Kristen to be in my future wedding party!" There's still hope!

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  56. LMFAO! Forget the bridesmaid, you can be my maid of honor!

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  57. This is such a genius post! This is exactly how I felt until I was asked to be in my first wedding (besides my sister's). My first wedding that I stood up in, I was the big honcho - the maid of honor. Yeah, ever since that experience, it's been downhill from there. You can gladly take my spot in upcoming weddings. :)

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  58. Yessss to all the Bridesmaids gifs, haha :) I've never been a bridesmaid either, but am really excited to hopefully be one, one day! I didn't love planning my own wedding (too much other stuff going on, imagine that? lol) but I really would love to help someone plan their wedding!

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