Hey there, SYIAP readers! Not to alarm you, but Kristen's not here today. No, she's literally living out my dream (well, one of them at least) and starting her trip through Europe, during which she and KC will have an absolutely glorious time. In her stead, Kristen has asked me to show up and welcome you here today.
If you don't know me, my name's Alyssa and I write things over at alyssagoesbang. The things I write usually have something to do with running, yoga, what I think about things, and trying to live the good life. I'm also a Bad Yogi ambassador and unapologetic yoga addict who will try to get you on the mat just as soon as I'll look at you. I adore Kristen and I'm so grateful she gave me the opportunity to keep her seat warm today—even though I miss our daily chats terribly while she's gone!
Considering that yoga habit is something Kristen and I share, I thought it fitting that I take over her blog today to talk about it. If you've never practiced yoga before but think you might maybe possibly be interested in giving it a try, then today's your lucky day! Stick around, because this is for you:
1. Studios can sometimes get a bit tightly packed, so don't come in with unnecessary props. You don't need a water bottle or a towel—you won't sweat enough to need them anyway. Yoga is basically just stretching, and who really works up a sweat while stretching?
2. Bring headphones and your favorite podcast or playlist. As long as you can see what other people and the teacher are doing, that's all you need. Feel free to close yourself off to the room around you. Your instructor won't be saying anything you really need to catch anyway. And besides, catching up on Undisclosed (there was no wrestling match!?) is more important than attempting meditation.
3. Make sure to watch your classmates really closely and try to do what they're doing. I mean, that first row is full of experts or they wouldn't be up front like that, right? And when the advanced yogis pull out moves you've never tried or even seen before, take that as your cue to try and twist your body into them too. It's yoga, so there's no way you could possibly get hurt or anything like that. You can't risk losing the studio competition.
4. Rock those booty shorts and sports bra! Hell, this is an exercise class, and yoga is basically just the hot girls' workout, so flaunt it all in next to nothing. There won't be enough twisting, turning, or inverting to make those short short ride up (or cause anything upstairs to pop out!) so the focus should really be on how good you look in your Lululemon
5. Feel free to leave once your instructor brings the class to final meditation. Because why would you pay to waste another five minute (you could be getting a jump on traffic instead!) to lay quietly on your mat surrounded by a bunch of other people laying quietly on yoga mats? Like there could actually be some benefit to meditating (or trying to!) with other people's energy floating all around? Pssssh.
(Okay, so just in case I'm not quite as good at writing satire as I think I am, this is all totally sarcastic.) Thanks for letting me take over SYIAP today, and if you're interested, be sure to hop on over to my place tomorrow and see the flip side of all this and some actual beginner yogi tips! Namaste.