Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Still blonde on the inside

I owned the shit out of being blonde back in the day. Every time I would say or do something stupid, I'd just laugh and blame it on my hair colour. Now that I have brown hair (and have had it for 3+ years) I have to find something else to blame this stuff on. Sometimes I even forget I was blonde, it looks so fake and weird in the photos, it's hard to believe it was natural for so long. Now I'm not saying blondes are stupid, obviously not. I know plenty of stupid people and their hair colour varies. I am saying that I have done some pretty stupid stuff, and I used to be blonde. I still do these things, so... guess it just comes naturally.

I always mix up my words. The other day, I said 'so-and-so from Stock Yards Phone is on the bank'.

Sometimes I just mix up the start of the words. The other day I asked KC 'are you still playing crivia track?' He laughed for a full minute before answering.

The other day, I got in my car, didn't start it immediately, locked the doors, did something on my phone and then went to start it. The 'alarm' started going off, which I had never heard before. I freaked out, naturally, got it to shut up and sheepishly backed out of the driveway. It was 6am, mind. Sorry neighbours. I told KC about it later, and he said 'you hit the panic button'. 'no I didn't!' I exclaimed, blushing because yep. That's probably exactly what I did, as I don't have an alarm. 

I walk into things a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Like the wall that has been in my Nana's unit for 30+ years and somehow I still walk into it every time I'm there.



I was on the back of a boy's bike when I was like 15, he was going really fast down a hill and I jumped off because I was scared. I just jumped off, and landed - didn't even try to keep moving. Needless to say, I was pretty roughed up and the road destroyed my pants. I tried to play it cool but I really just wanted to cry!

When KC asks me to pass him some fancy pants tool like a phillips head screwdriver and I say, 'is that the star head one?' I literally had to ask KC which one was the star screwdriver for me to write that

I always walk on the left. This leads to me walking into people all the live long day. Normally around corners.

I always say 'you too' at the wrong moments. Enjoy your pizza - you too! Oh, I mean...

When I do something silly, like walk into people, I get all silly and laugh really awkwardly and loudly. Not cute. Really high pitched and loud.

When I'm sitting minding my business and someone walks around the corner minding their own business and I gasp like they jumped and yelled boo. I'm pretty jumpy.

I always push instead of pull or pull instead of push. Sometimes I wait until someone else goes so I can see how they work the confusing contraption that is a door.



Sometimes I pull out on the other side of the road. Look, it's confusing, ok? Luckily there is normally a car coming at me for me to realise my mistake.

I always forget about turn on red right turns. People behind me normally let me know.

I feel really stupid when I go to a coffee shop and ask if I can have a non-coffee drink. Normally just strange looks at Starbucks and the like, but smaller shops can't do it and make me feel foolish for asking. You want a coffee drink without coffee? WHAT?!

I can't say specific without really pausing to think about it, otherwise it will come out as the dreaded pacific. I also can't say Wisconsin. 

I have avoided day 27 of the 30 day yoga challenge because I thought it used bands, like fitness bands.. I was like, well I don't have them so I can't do it. Nope it's for the IT bands. D'oh. Pretty sure I have those...

I remember the day I realised why it was called 'afternoon'. Because it happens after noon. I was way older than I should have been.

We have a chocolate bar at home called a crunchie. That's what we call 'blondes' with brown hair. Brown on the outside, blonde on the inside. That's me.

Now I want a crunchie. Yum.

Help me out, anyone else do equally stupid stuff?

51 comments:

  1. I think a lot of these are mistakes most people make! I've totally hit the panic button on my car before and I've totally ordered plenty of non-coffee drinks at Starbucks before! I used to hate coffee until fairly recently actually. And I totally do the "you too" thing. I swear it's just reflex haha!

    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

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  2. Great minds write very similar posts, haha! I wrote up some of my blonde moments/quirks today too and the whole walking into things? All.The.Damn.Time. More than a few times, I've definitely pulled the door even when it clearly states I'm supposed to push it -- and if that's not embarrassing enough, there are always multiple people around to watch me make a fool of myself!

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  3. LOL i sometimes push instead of pull or the other way around. i used to always confuse that at work so now whenever i'm near a door, i quickly glance up at the top of the door to see the frame, then i know which way the door swings.

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  4. idk the name of the screwdrivers either! i know one is phillips but idk which one. i run into things on the daily. loved reading these :)

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  5. you could literally have written this post about me. Oh sweet girl we are far too similar!! I say it's what makes us interesting & entertaining :)

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  6. Ha, every time I see a door that says push, all I can think about is the Salt N Pepa commercial. The running into doors thing? yeah, definitely happens all the time -- and yes please to chocolate at 7am.

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  7. You crack me up! I say "heighth" instead of height. Push/pull ... Whatevs. I learned my left from my right in dance class when I was four. My left hand has a big freckle on it; my right has a little one. I *may* sometimes still have to look at my hands to remember my right from my left.

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  8. Um, YES. I do stupid stuff all the time. But you know what? I think these things are endearing. Just makes us unique.

    When I was 19 my car's left indicator light was blinking really sporadically and my sister (jokingly) told me that my 'blinker fluid was low' and I'd need to go to the mechanic to get it topped up. Ummm yeah, I believed her....

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  9. I've never been a blonde before, but yesterday I was so distracted while getting out of my car that I didn't even turn it off and started to walk away...Probably one of my worst blonde moments! This post was hilarious!

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  10. I am cracking up so much right now. Thanks for the early morning laugh! I especially love the you too one. I do that sometimes too. I'm also imagining a coffee shop when you ask for a coffee drink with no coffee. So you want....milk with some sugar? Do you also want a grilled cheese sandwich with no cheese? Like...toast?? Ah, I bet you are a blast to travel with.

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  11. I still try and get in the wrong side of the car. If people are around I just pretend I was opening the door to put my purse on the set. ☺️

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  12. You are a riot!! I am the same way when people that are just minding their own business and come up next to me and I freak out and scream...i've done it in restaurants when the waiter has come to take the order...it's like hello, you should know they are coming biana!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  13. I can't say "brewery" without thinking about it. That word is the bane of my existence (so is the word "moist," but for different reasons...). I have a similar thing with push-button doors; it's a new concept for me. It's like my brain refuses to register the instructional signs. I was leaving a shop once that required you to push a red button before you could exit, and there was a sign right in front of me that said so, but b/c the button was red, I assumed it was an alarm. I spent waaaay too much time tugging at that door...

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  14. LOL love it! I'm super jumpy too! Adam laughs at me because I always get startled and yell when he comes into a room and it surprises me, even when I know he's there! I always confuse the screwdrivers too. You are not alone! :)

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  15. hahah i can totally relate..i have bruises all over my legs bc i always walk into things! xo jillian - cornflake dreams ps i want that candy bar !

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  16. LOL Love this, as always! I ran into a glass sliding door once. Like literally was running down a flight of stairs and full speed into the glass and flew backwards and fell on my ass....I'm not going to blame my blondeness though, I blame the person who closed the door after me lol

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  17. Ok, but who actually remembers the different names of the screwdrivers and which one is which?! That's totally normal.

    I fall UP the stairs. I never fall going down - maybe I'm paying more attention? But going up? Faceplant.

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  18. I always walk into things and have the bruises to prove it. It happens all the time.

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  19. Hahaha I am so glad I'm not the only one about day 27 of the yoga challenge. I totally skipped it the first time too because I was like, I don't have those band things! I thought all we needed was a mat for this challenge! My boyfriend is also always asking me to pass him specific screwdrivers and I'm like, "I need shapes!" We have crunchie bars in Canada. So good!

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  20. Hahaha! You make me laugh, Kristen. Seriously. We all have moments like that. I run into walls, too. No worries. ;)

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  21. Hahahaha you and me both girl. I literally ran face first into a door-like window the other day at work...in front of everyone....I also (same day) kept calling Navy Seals the Wet Seals and knew I was doing it but my brain wouldn't stop lol. Here's to bein blonde and keepin life interesting :D

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  22. I am NOTORIOUS for doing mix ups like crivia track. My husband gets a kick out of it ALL THE TIME!

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  23. I saw the title to this post and got excited to read it because I knew it'd be yet another funny. I do the "you too" thing or something I say "thanks for calling" when I call people...so weird.

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  24. Girl, you are so hilarious! I think all people have moments like that. I'm super good at forgetting turning right on red too...then I'm like, why are they honking?! Oh.... haha.

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  25. I LOVE Crunchie's! Now I'm craving one and I can't have one because of my braces. Grrrrrr haha

    I seem to lose my voice whenever I run into people and try to apologize so instead I just mouth words to them. Happens every time without fail! And I always do the 'You too' thing at the mose ridiculous times - I'm so awkward but glad to know I'm not the only one! lol

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  26. I call rock salt that you put down on walkways in winter ice all the time. MFD makes fun of me relentlessly.

    All the women in my family refer to objects as things. As in "Get me that thing," and we think you know what we're talking about.

    This made me LOL

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  27. These are so funny, and so true. I do this kind of stuff all the time, and I'm a natural blonde. Whoops!

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  28. I so laughed through this all... & it all made me like you even more!

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  29. The whole push/pull thing is SO ME, ALL THE TIME!! Doors should always open both ways, in my opinion :)

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  30. This post is the best. I am a total blonde and I suffer from the same things. I confuse words, make up my own words, am hopelessly clumsy. I feel down my friend's stairs last week and have an awful-looking bruise on each knee, plus my cat scratched up my one arm and I have a mystery bruise on the other. It looks like I am being abused at home but it is really just that I am incapable of living without injuring myself. That is why I dont jog. I dont think I could make it more than a block without falling.

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  31. "I know plenty of stupid people and their hair colour varies." Seriously that cracked me up!
    I am forever running into things...I usually cut the corners short here at work all the time and run right into the cabinets and walls...it never fails.

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  32. I had to laugh at the crunchie thing, that is too funny!!! I have a habit of being a little clumsy sometimes. Like I always find a way of hurting myself. Running into walls, jamming my toe on something, dropping shit. It happens.

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  33. These are too funny. I have way more bumps and bruises that I remember bumping into things but it is evidence of said clumsiness.

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  34. Haha we both must have that form of dyslexia where the words come out switched up. I'll never forget someone asking me what my parents' names were and I said "Johnny and Bon.... oops I mean, Bonne and John". WHO doesn't know their parent's names!? Totally walk into things all the time too but you may win the award for more ;) Random bruises are our badges of honor haha.

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  35. Haha this is soooo me too! I was blonde for over 10 years, and went back to it again last year for some time but slowly transitioned back to brunette recently. I'm naturally a brunette, but just like that candy bar I'm all blonde on the inside with my clumsiness and not picking up on things right away :-P

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  36. OF COURSE I do equally stupid stuff. I mix up my words weird too sometimes and I'm like wtf Courtney?

    LOL about realizing you're driving on the wrong side of the road because A CAR IS COMING hahaha.

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  37. Thanks for the laugh on the stressful day. Toooo funny! If it helps.. I aint blonde but I walk into doors too and I always push instead of pull and vice versa. Like always. I think im just clumsy though! hehe

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  38. I do the wrong push/pull all the time, do the "you too" thing constantly (I just did it on Sunday when I went to Chipotle) and reach for a light switch on my wall that does not and has never, ever existed. And I've never been blonde a day in my life. I got your back, sister.

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  39. I've definitely had the car alarm happen to me. I think if you lock your car from the inside but don't turn it on in a certain amount of time, the car will reactivate the car alarm. I did it when I was waiting to be let into my friend's place in the middle of their creepy neighborhood and they weren't answering their phone. It took me forever to figure out and I had to jump in and out of my car a couple times because I was so confused.

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  40. Haha- I have done soooo many of these! I'm guilty of being super jumpy--- Jared will just come around the corner in our house and I jump. He always goes "You know I live here too, right?!" lol

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  41. The word thing happens to me ALL the time. Recently my brain has misplaced the words camera, stroller (pram), and coffee. Ridiculous.

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  42. I love you so much girl! Mark will say things to me like "can you use your brain?" Which is kinda like a trigger statement for me because it takes me from zero to batshit crazy in 3 seconds. I fell up the stairs today and totally put a huge scuff in my ballet flats and spilled coffee all over my work pants......par for the course I tell yah

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  43. Haha love this! Of course we all do dumb stuff like this, even those people who can't laugh at themselves for it and take life way too seriously do silly stuff now and again! Blondes rock!

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  44. Oh girl I could go on forever with the dumb crap I do! First of all I can barely speak English... My husband has to correct me all the time! He's always like what did you just say?! That's not how you say it! I just figured out that the Heimlich maneuver (yes I just googled that for spelling) was not the heimlich remover! I thought it was the remover bc it removes something you're choking on! Yes I am totally blonde ;p

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeat Soles

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  45. This post made me smile!!
    I'm with you on the coffee shop thing - I never order coffee!!!
    My boys always say "you too" and it is rarely appropriate - they are teens so it makes me laugh!!!
    I had a DR once tell me that I was at higher risk for osteoporosis since I was a tall thin (this was years ago!!) blonde woman - ummm....I'm not really blonde - I just play blonde sometimes!!!

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  46. Aaargh, now I want a Crunchie too!!

    I walk into things all the time, and hit my arms off door frames and stuff. It's got to the point that I don't even notice any more that I've hit something so when bruises show up later I'm really confused.

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  47. haha! I am the exact same way! I am blonde though, but I still run into things and I ALWAYS always spill stuff on myself!

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  48. This is great, and I can definitely relate. I have my blonde moments pretty much all day wrong. Especially on the phone at work. I'm constantly answering the phone with the wrong job and I accidentally told a listener I love you when I hung up yesterday.

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  49. I have legitimate issues with left and right. I think it's a disability. I get it wrong embarrassingly often and I have to think about it before I say left or right. Even in front of my class. It's a struggle.
    Also, that doors gif is probably my favorite New Girl moment. It epitomizes what I'm like on a bad day.

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  50. "I know plenty of stupid people and their hair colour varies." I don't know why but I found that hilarious.
    I feel like the driving ones aren't really your fault though...I would be so scared to drive somewhere that was different from where I learned to drive!
    Totally LOL'ed about Day 27. I hope you've actually done it now that you know what bands she's really talking about ;) It's a good one!

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  51. This is hilarious and I can relate to SO many of these things. FYI, I've never been blonde. The mixing up words...happens all the time. Most of the time I don't even realize it until Cory points it out {which he always does}. I'm really bad to be talking to someone about and middle of the sentence something like a phone will catch my attention and instead of saying whatever word I was supposed to say, I'll say phone. It's like whatever I'm looking at comes out no matter what I was talking about. And walking into things and being jumpy...me too, girl!

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