Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The best me; training for tuesday

Before we get started, I just wanted to share that Joey's book Yeah, maybe is on sale this week - for only $1.99! I bought it and can't wait to start reading it. 

I had a grand idea for February's Training for Tuesday post, but life happened so... nope. C'est la vie.

My training is going okay. Not great, but okay. I know so many places are getting way worse weather than we are, and it's a walk in the park compared to last winter, but I am just so over this weather. I hate winter. I hate being cold. Cold for me is anything below 60. But I can run in the cold. I can't run in the freezing, and I can't run in the snow, or ice. Nope. Not happening. If that means my real runner badge gets taken off me, so be it. I can barely walk to my car in my snow boots without busting my ass, I'm not putting my klutzy ass in even more danger.

I have been slogging it away on the treadmill, as boring as it is, it has to be done, because I have to run. Will RnR be the race where I meet my dream PR? Most definitely not. But it's okay - it's still gonna be a great race, a great weekend with great peeps. I have the rest of 2015 to meet that goal.

So today, I'm not talking about progress or any specific exercise. I hope that's ok, Tracy & Alyssa.


The last item on my 30 before 30 list is be the most healthy, most fit, nicest, happiest person I can be.

In my 2015 goals, I said 'I am going to take care of myself. I am going to be the healthiest and fittest person I can be not because I want to lose weight but because healthy is where it's at.'

I have talked briefly about my issues before, and I have joked that I can't eat what I want anymore without gaining weight or feeling sick. I have rarely looked in the mirror and not thought a mean comment about myself. I have never pulled on a pair of jeans without thinking that they were a struggle to get on because I'm fat. I have never worn a bikini without feeling self conscious.

I am more comfortable in my skin right now than I have ever been before. I owe that to getting older, surrounding myself with positive people and in general leading a happier life. But I still think to myself 'if I don't eat for a couple of days, maybe I will lose enough to kick start my weight loss' or 'maybe if I purge all the crap I just ate, it won't count'. I am not fishing for compliments here, so please don't tell me I don't need to lose weight - I understand the desire to say these things but it does not help someone with issues like mine. I am so much better than I used to be, and I am proud of how far I have come. I am not trying to belittle my journey or the progress I have made, and I am not being a debbie downer just to be a debbie downer. I am just being honest.

I'm not the first person to experience these things, I won't be the last. But every single year, every single month, week and day - I tell myself today will be different, today will be the day that I eat better, exercise, lose 10lbs overnight, and feel good about myself, inside and out. Most days, I go to bed sad about a choice I made, mad about the weight I gained, or already making excuses for the next day.

I'm the kind of person that likes to start things on the 1st (of the year or month) or on Mondays. If I screw up one of the many rules I have made myself on a Monday, most likely the rest of the week is 'ruined'. It's ridiculous, I know. You don't need to tell me that. I am so sick of it. I am afraid I am going to wake up one day and I'll be 80 and still mad at myself for not making the right decisions and I still won't be completely happy in my skin.

Here is the kind of person I am right now:

- Exercise is not a priority or routine. I exercise semi regularly, but I skip more days than I should.

- I exercise because I want to lose weight. I tell myself it's because I want to be healthy, and live longer, but ultimately I want the scale to go down.

- I am such a slow runner compared to how I used to be.

- I eat my idea of healthy about 50% of the time, and the other 50% I eat crap, and drink enough milkshakes for every single person reading this.

- None of my jeans fit comfortably right now. I can't even do up a couple pairs.

- I eat a 'treat' or 5 a day.

- My mum sent me some Australian goodies for my birthday and the only thing that lasted more than one day was Milo, which is kinda like nesquik only not, and that (huge tin) lasted about a week. I have zero willpower.

- I lack motivation. I want the easy way out - doesn't everyone? I want to work hard and see results immediately. I don't want to wait.

- I use doritos in my nachos.

To be the person I said I wanted to be in my goals and 30 before 30 I want to:

- Make exercise a priority, something as routine as brushing my teeth. Stop turning off the alarm, get off the damn couch.

- Exercise to be healthy, to have a healthy heart, to sleep better and have better skin.. to live longer. Not to see the scale go down.

- Be a faster runner, but not crazy fast. I am never going to be super fast, and that is more than okay by me. I just want to get back to where I was.

- Eat healthy 80% of the time. I don't do well with restrictions, but I don't need daily milkshakes or a 'treat' every time I go to the store.

- Fit in my damn jeans.

- Snack smart. I do not need a cadbury creme egg, bag of skittles or chips daily... Snack on almonds, Kristen.

- Have better willpower.

- Have motivation to achieve all of these things. I know once I get in a routine of exercising regularly it makes me eat healthier so I am making smarter choices. It also helps me sleep better so it's not so hard to get up in the morning. I just need to be patient. The whole it won't happen overnight but it will happen thing.

It's embarrassing to admit these things - to myself, and to the internet. I have thought so many times 'ok, this is it. This is the moment I change'. Seriously, I'm sure I have said it at least 5 times on the blog alone. I am not complaining, I am not talking shit about myself just to talk shit, I am not fishing for compliments. I am just trying to work towards the best version of me. Hopefully one day I will be this person that I want to be. I will eat healthier naturally, I will walk by the junk in the grocery and not want to buy it all, I will look in the mirror and not be mean to myself, I will exercise to be healthy and happy and live longer.

I will still have my nachos with doritos though, because it's the only way! yolo.

What does being the healthiest, fittest, best version of you mean to you?


  1. I'm right there with you! I was doing so good with the C25K until we got some bad weather last week. And now I have absolutely no motivation to start running again. If you ever find the secret, please share it!

  2. I am struggling with this a bit myself right now. Last year, I was the healthiest (& slimmest) I have ever been in my life and now I have gained 20 pounds (in a year) and I am struggling with it. I am slowly trying to get back into eating healthier and exercising but it is so frustrating thinking about where I was a year ago and where I am now. I am trying to stop comparing, but it is hard.

  3. personally think you look amazing and i would do anything to look like you! don't change a dang thing! but i know we all feel that way about ourselves sometimes, that we want to change things. but just know you are AMAZING!!!!!

  4. I think having a healthy mind is def super important too

  5. Ugh, this weather is the worst for running. And it's annoying that people classify those that choose not to run in the freezing as 'non runners'. That drives me nuts. If others want to or have to run in the cold, good for them. That doesn't make them better or more hardcore than me. I'm much better running in 90s and the humidity index of 100. Other people don't run in that, but I don't judge them. So rude

    Doritos in your nachos....I LOVE IT!

  6. I just started Joey's book yesterday and I literally can't put it down...sort of wishing work wasn't in the way today lol! Snacking smart is my down fall too...I think writing it out is the first step...you are brave girl!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

    1. Oh and lacking motivation - feel you on that because well it's 2 degrees here and going to the gym is just not that high on my list!!

  7. It is definitely not embarrassing to admit any of those things bc in some ways we are all the same! (well most of us hahaha) you got this girl and the motivation in this post is outrageous! I love it! Hope you have a great day! xo

  8. I think we are all with you on this one love! Putting my goals out on my blog has really helped keep me accountable and I'm so glad you share with your readers all that you do! You got this!

  9. I think we've ALL been there, and I am currently right there with you! Last year I lost 20 pounds and was able to keep it off for several months. I was doing so much better at eating healthy and exercise and then over the holidays I let myself slack off figuring I would start fresh in January. Now I am struggling SO hard to find motivation!

  10. The point you made that hit me the most was exercising to be healthy, not to lose weight. Because losing weight and being "thin" are so subjective. You're never going to be everybody's idea of what a perfect body looks like (because they're all different) and, harder to deal with, you might never be your own either. We tend to keep raising the bar once we reach our goals, and sometimes we lose sight of what's healthy in the search for perfection. Also, I know I give up on it whenever I try to "lose weight" because I don't care enough about it. But if we're talking about my health for the rest of my life? I can't give up on that!

    Getting over the all or nothing mindset is hard. I tend to do that, too, "Well, I messed up on Monday so this week is over." But I'm working on it! Yesterday is a perfect example - massive binge. And I'm disappointed in myself, but I have to remind myself that 1 bad day is better than 1 bad week. And, honestly, it doesn't feel as bad as it would have in the past. So I must be getting a little better at it. :P Anyway, good luck to both of us!

  11. Well, for starters, you and everything you do are always more than ok <3
    I think a lot of this ties into some of the things you said yesterday, and my advice still stands: if you want to do these things, do them because you want to. Not because anyone is making you feel like you have to - and definitely don't let yourself convince you that you have to if it's not what you truly want.
    I think we all have some issue like this that we struggle with, and whether it's body image or something else, the feelings are all the same. I know I have my own problems with accepting the person that I am and trying (but continually failing) to be the person I want to be. It's really frustrating. I wish I had more advice, but all i can say is that I hope you and I can both find peace and balance between who we want to be and who we really are.
    With all that said, it's encouraging to know that you are more comfortable in your skin now than you have been before, and I hope that trend continues for you! I know you said you want instant results (we all do, you're not alone on that) but I hope you can trust the process and one day look back and see that even if change didn't happen overnight, all those little things added up in the end.

  12. I love reading posts like this -- I struggled for a loooong time with eating disorders and sometimes that mindset creeps back in -- and it's SO hard to push it away. The eating one bad thing on a Monday, so the rest of the week is destroyed -- and don't tell me I'm skinny and don't need to lose weight, because I'm totally not hearing you.

    That being said, I think you're completely beautiful (even though you told us not to say that!) and I think you can change that mindset to live a healthy lifestyle, instead of always worrying about a number on a scale! Good luck girl!

  13. To fit in my jeans... haha... girl, preach! :)
    I have learned as I get older, I work out for health reasons... I have to make it a priority for that reason. Speed, goals, PR's... who cares... its about knowing I am ABLE to work out... its a mind shift... that comes when your body shifts :) haha
    I'm glad you are in a period where you are happy in your skin... you should be... you're pretty awesome :)

  14. Sadly one of the main things I took out of this was "Doritos for nachos?! Why on God's green Earth did I never think of that myself?!" But seriously, I've been thinking the same thing lately. Not that I ever worked out religiously but I just definitely don't anymore. I also used to be way better at eating healthy. Now sometimes I find myself thinking "Ugh I shouldn't have eaten that bag of chips (or whatever junk food)...but it filled me up so I didn't eat/didn't eat as much at ___ meal so that counteracts it right?" I just need to get back to eating smarter & working out more like you said. Good luck lady!

  15. I love how open you are with yourself and with us readers. You know how important your goals are and you know how much they mean to you - something I have learned to do is to take the energy I spend worrying and doubting and hating and turn in into admiring, praising and being all kinds of luvo on myself :)

    I'm always proud of you friend, you are perfect and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthier! Just make sure it's also 'happier'!

  16. I am finally just accepting that I have to move more in order to feel better. Aging is hard on the body. Period. Exercise is now in my planner like the other shit I do.

    I need to try doritos on my nachos next time.

  17. I suffer from the same issues with motivation. This snow and ice has made it extremely difficult to do anything. Every time I go to my car I have a slight fear of breaking a tailbone. We can be consistent! I know we can do! I'll motivate you and you motivate me... also, the sun needs to melt this snow and stay out a little later. :)

  18. GIRL YOU GOT THIS. i love all of this and fully admitting all the things you don't want to admit about the reasons why you want to workout etc is step #1.

    everyone has to start somewhere. we all want to put in as little effort as possible and see results RIGHT NOW but not one athlete or fit person on this earth started out as an athlete or fit person - THEY EARNED IT through hard work. when i started my journey, i was frustrated as hell because i was killing myself with insanity and p90x SOMETIMES TWICE A DAY and saw diddly squat results......then i saw something that just did it for me and i forgot about the results and just did it to do it... that something i saw - and this is going to be SUPER CHEESY - was a picture of a chubby Shaun T in college. i know, how cliche right? a flabby to fit story that is everywhere but if this guy who was a shy, overweight person who basically ate his feelings all the live long day can become one of the fittest icons in the industry, then who says that i can't put in that kind of work? who says that he's the only one (among millions) who can transform themselves? I CAN TOO, DAMMIT. after that, i didn't even focus on my results but just focused on doing activities/workouts that i liked. i quickly discovered that i hate road running but loved trail running. i know that i hate cardio so i avoid machines and go outside - hiking, trails, kick boxing...that sort of thing.

    take baby steps. focus on kicking one thing out of the park and that in itself will motivate you and give you the self-confidece to tackle more goals. for me, that was eating. my favorite thing to do was eat sour cream and onion chips. even though i knew i'd hate myself afterwards, it was so good that at that moment, i didn't care. so i spent 3 weeks of just cleaning up my diet; getting used to NOT eating that crap or any crap; getting used to eating right and drinking a shit ton of water before attempting anything else. then i started with teeny tiny workouts and did them every day because seriously, who can't do teeny tiny workouts every day? i looked at the amount of time i spent doing shit on the computer and instead of doing that, i'd peel myself away from my desk and spend those 4 minutes working out.

    over time, i built on the baby steps and started doing more and more ....and here i am 4 years later in the best shape of my life. it didn't take me a few months to get here but nearly TWO YEARS and those 2 years flew by! SO YOU CAN DO THIS. i'm the laziest person on the planet and if i can do this, SO CAN YOU xoxoxoxoxox

  19. If you do find better willpower, will you please send some my way? I am lacking motivation so much right now... which is terrible because my jeans are beginning to get a little too snug. O.o

  20. i have been lacking some serious motivation due to the cold and snow. I want to just snuggle in and read a book. I think you are brave for talking about it, as I know a lot of us feel the same way. Hugs!

  21. I'm so proud of you for writing this. I know how you feel on so many of these things, and I'm not saying this as encouragement or motivation or to try to change your mind or anything; I'm saying this because I think it's important that you hear it as often as possible and I WANT TO SAY IT because it's true: I think you're great.

    Now. I echo a lot of what Kathy said. Baby steps are so key. I know it seems like taking baby steps is like moving in slow motion or not at all, but remember that the time will pass anyway. Do you want it to pass and be in the exact same place, or be a little bit farther ahead? The latter, right. So start off by getting up and stretching for 5 minutes each morning. Just stretching. Eventually you'll like the feeling of warming your body up for the day this way, and maybe you'll throw in some crunches, or yoga. You'll do what feels right when it feels right — you don't have to know all the big steps yet. Just start with the baby ones.

    Start by cutting out one snack per day. You will be hungry at that time for the first few days, because you're body's used to eating. Ignore it, or drink water, or have a cup of tea, or a spoonful of peanut butter.

    Try the "don't break the chain" method for any of these things. (http://lifehacker.com/281626/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-secret) Use it to tell yourself positive affirmations every day. Use it to cut out one bad snack a day. Use it to spend 5 minutes sweating every day. Start small, and applaud yourself for your efforts because, hello, CHANGING YOUR LIFE IS HARD! I'm proud of you for taking the first steps and tuning into the mentality you're in, and making a smart list. Now the key is forgiving yourself for not changing overnight, but patting yourself on the back for the small changes you'll notice daily, weekly.

    You can do this, and I will support you in any and every single way I can. What can I do? You tell me. I'm hear for you. But you don't need me, love, YOU GOT THIS.

  22. Oh I so feel you on this one. I know all the things I should be doing, but it is so hard to stick to it all the time. Especially if you dont see the results you want right away, it becomes more and more frustrating to keep pushing through when it is so much easier to just eat that treat, skip your work out and wear the fat pants. I am struggling hard with all of this right now. Eating is the one thing that destroys everything for me. With the exception of one day last week, I always show up for my morning work outs. I push through them no matter how I feel. But the food? Why does the food have to be so damn hard?!?!?! And I hate hate hate the way I feel right now. I constantly feel bloated and gross. It is not a good feeling.

    I know you got this. We can motivate each other! I think we both struggle with not accepting ourselves now. We gotta let that go and just do the best we can! Stop beating ourselves up and focus on the positive to push through.

  23. Motivation is hard to find. The end goal needs to be something so compelling that it's all you think about. Good luck with your goals!

    The latest. Beauty & Colour

  24. Bravo for admitting your fears and putting it out there. That's never an easy thing to do. I went through a pretty significant exercise slump that sounds a lot like the one you're in (and none of my jeans fit either gah!) What finally helped get me out of it was to realize what was stopping me: I'd come home and sit on the couch and snarf down an after work snack, and then I wouldn't want to work out on a full stomach so I'd putz around the apartment and never make it off the couch. I've realized if I come home and work out immediately, I don't mind that im hungry during, so I get it out of the way and then I can go about my lazy girl ways, and don't feel so bad about eating a few spoonfuls of ice cream straight from the tub!

    I know there isn't much you can do about the weather being crappy but maybe you could do a work out dvd inside? mix it up a bit? There's a new DoYouYoga class that's free getting ready to start March 1 called yoga shred. maybe that could be a good alternative to going outside. Best of luck, I know the biggest challenge is getting your head in the right place.

  25. YAS girl great post! Appreciate the honesty! Something that helped me was doing a 30 day challenge WITH friends - I was so embarrassed if I skipped a day and we were all out that weekend. Then once I got through the 30 days it was a habit! I know it's so hard though to find that sweet spot with the motivation. UGH

  26. I think what you have going for you is a healthy sense of self, both in admitting your flaws and your goals. They're lofty but doable and realistic and I know you'll achieve them.

    On my 40 by 40, I said that I wanted to be an ideal weight that I established. Not a doctor, not some chart, not anyone else. Me. I need to be happy and I know where that is and what it looks like.

  27. Hey pretty lady! So I think just about any woman could have written this post . . . meaning most of us have these EXACT same thoughts about our bodies, our choices at the end of the day and our hopes for who we want to be. Highest of fives to you for actually writing it and owning it and putting it out there. Being one of the older bloggers on the block, I can tell you that this doesn't really get easier as you age. My best advice to you, and myself really, is to accept who we are, the way we are, and be grateful for any change or good decisions. You're so right though . . . we don't need (or even deserve) a daily treat, and I've also realized that the more treats I have, the more I want. And you are exercising . . . don't beat yourself up for what you haven't done . . . praise yourself for what you have. Honestly, it's what you would do for your friends so treat yourself equally as well! I know you aren't fishing for compliments but as an older woman, I beg you to appreciate your body as it is . . . I wish I had appreciated my body in my 20's and not criticized it so much. I'd give anything to have my three beautiful children and THAT body but it just doesn't work like that. You are beautiful, inside and out . . . virtual hugs to you!

  28. I can totally relate to this. I like instant gratification, so it's hard for me to focus on the long-term. I'm starting to think a lot more about my health and while I consider myself to eat pretty healthy, there are some areas I really want to work on this year. Mainly, I have a huge sweet tooth and I like wine. But it's hard to give those up when it doesn't feel good that day or the next or the day after that. I know it's going to take awhile to really feel the benefits of certain changes, so I definitely leave things for tomorrow and take the momentary enjoyment instead. The same goes for my yoga practice. I was doing so good, but have sort of fallen off the bandwagon this past month. I know how good I feel when I do it, but lately the couch or my warm bed always wins. And yes, I also blame winter!

  29. I've been so frustrated with myself lately because I can't stop being mad about winter. I know it will be over eventually and it could be worse but I'm with you on it just putting me in an unmotivated mood. I walked a few feet just to get our mail and almost fell on black ice- so I can't even imagine how people are running outside in all this wintry mix! I do the same thing with wanting to start new habits on the first of the month or a fresh week, but lately I've been trying to remind myself that each day is a new start (I may or may not have already messed up with my no sweets, ugh). I don't think anything you've admitted is embarrassing at all- it's REAL, and I think every single person struggles with it in different ways. I think being able to articulate exactly what you want to achieve is a huge accomplishment and step in the right direction in itself.

  30. Haha the Doritos with nachos... that sounds incredible and not something that would be easy to give up. It really is all about moderation. I've cut back on what I eat and when I eat (no snacking after dinner especially) and I've lost 15 pounds in the past 4 months. It was mostly in my face and waistline, but since I know I'm bad about exercising consistently, something had to give. Next up is walking more. You know what you have to do, so that's half the battle right there. Just doing more and giving up a little more and you'll figure out what works for you. That and you're pretty damn skinny already ;)

  31. I think we all have those mirror moments as we age and it's harder and harder to keep weight off, blah!! Really frustrating for sure. I think your goals are great and I'm a huge fan of the 80/20 rule!! I think it helps a lot.

    I do know it's all a journey so it's important to not get really down about it all... just more of a lifestyle. Having your goals really helps!

  32. Girl I struggle with these things too! Especially restritictions, as soon as I tell myself Im not going to eat something I crave it constantly. Its definitely all about finding a balance and sticking to a schedule (easier said than done I know). You got it though!!! Set those goals and keep them!

  33. Umm...so I just said this on your last post - we really do have a lot in common!
    My husband listens to me go on and on about pretty much anything but several years ago he finally told me he didn't want to hear me call myself fat again (I just say it in my head now:)! Actually, I've gotten to the point where I accept my body and like it for all the things it has done and can do (most days)!! I think the thing that helped with that was when I made a decision to just be the best version of me I could and quit comparing myself to other people.

  34. I do the "I'll start on Monday" thing, too. For some reason, I feel like starting on another day invalidates what I'm doing. You've set great goals for yourself. Keep going!

  35. I felt every single part of this post and I have to seriously commend you on your bravery in putting it out there!
    I can completely relate to so many of these frustrations, especially hating how I have to pretend that I want to exercise to simply be healthy when in fact, I am obsessive about that little (big) number on the scale. I could fool myself and say it's all about how I look and feel which is partially true, but honestly, I'd probably still freak out if that number was much higher than I wanted it to be.
    Also, I'm not sure whether restricting is considered an EDNOS but if it's not, then it should be at least when it comes to me. My thought process when it comes to food is seriously eff'd up. Back when I was actually semi-successful at not being a a fattie, I'd feel bad about what I ate one day and then purposely busy myself the next so I'd conveniently forget to eat because "I wasn't hungry" or severely cut and watch calories. The struggle with all of this bull is so overwhelming sometimes.
    All of that to say, I have no idea what the healthiest, best version of me is. I wonder sometimes if there is one, ya know?

  36. haha you use doritos in your nachos! Seriously though Kris, I admire your honestly! I mean that!!

    I relate to the things you said. Listen before January I would list goals a mile long and have zero motivation to do any of it! As of January I can honestly say I changed my mindset. Perhaps the stomach that made me look 3 months pregnant because I emotionally ate my way through 2014 had something to do with it, or perhaps it was the fact that I determined that I have to be a better me and that means emotionally and physically. Whatever it was, Im so glad it happened!! My point is I get you!!! I totally understand!

    You got this though. You will rock it. And I think its important for all of us to know some days will be harder than others but its the focus on the goal of healthy - overall healthy - that is key!

  37. I know how you feel. Sometimes you just get in the habit of eating bad and not exercising and then your like crap my clothes don't fit how they should! That's normally when I kick myself back into shape because I don't want to buy more clothes lol
    Melanie @ meandmr.com

  38. Everything about this post is so painfully accurate - I feel the exact same way as you about everything. Well, almost everything, because I've never been a fan of doritos :P Honestly, a big part of working out and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, for me, is about looking good. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling healthier, but there's nothing better than seeing actual results. Also, I definitely agree about not running in the winter. One of my good friends was seriously injured when he slipped and fell running in the winter, so I'm going to stick to running when it's nice and dry outside :)

    xo, Dolce // http://www.mydailysweet.com/
    Leave me a comment; I'm always looking for new blogs to follow!

  39. I think being the best you starts with being yourself. When we let go of what we feel we should be and should do and start prioritizing what really does make us happy, regardless of whether it fits with society's idea of what successful and awesome looks like... I think that's when I started really being happy. So although in the past year I have been diagnosed with Celiac and still haven't really lost the weight, I am happier now that I have been in a long time, because when I do something is because I want to, not because I feel I should, because I am expected to. I think that to that extent, health is a state of mind. I may not fit in a size 8, but my blood tests look awesome, and more importantly, I feel better than I have in a long time, and that societal pressure to be a lean, green, running machine in 5-inch heels only creeps up once a in a while nowadays ;-)

    So if you are scared you will never be the person you had set out to be, I hear ya, but maybe ask yourself if that person is really the best version of you, or if it's a composite of other people that you maybe look up to. It doesn't have to be either/or, maybe it's 50-50, or 80-20. But I think the most important thing is that you stay true to yourself. Being yourself isn't settling! Do and be whatever makes you happy! Hugs.

  40. Question: Do you own a scale? Because if you do, I'd highly recommend getting rid of it. That way, you won't always be on it, comparing yourself to who you were yesterday or even the hour before. When I was struggling with the same issues you are, I was obsessed with my tape measure. I'd constantly measure my waist and thighs. So eventually, I had to get rid of it to make myself a happier person. It was a struggle, putting that thing in the trash! But oh, so much freedom to get rid of it!

  41. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way - I relate to SO much of this! For some reason, the snacking has been tough for me lately...I think it's because I've lacked inspiration to go out and shop for healthy alternatives in this cold weather, so I wind up just grabbing whatever I can find at the corner store or inhaling too many cupcakes at the office. By writing this out and confronting the things you want to change, you're making progress already :)

  42. I use to be soooo healthy!! Ate clean 6 days a week, went to the gym 4-5 some times 6 days a weeks and I have COMPLETELY fallen off the wagon! I eat what I want (not horrible though) and go to the gym/work out when I can, but honestly I am a lot happier now and less stressed! It's definitely all about that happy balance!

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeat Soles

  43. I am SO off my running schedule. The weather and just life in general makes it all feel impossible! Thanks so much for sharing (and buying!) the book lovely!

  44. Hello motivation. I am right there with you about not having much willpower. I said no willpower for a long time, but I'm on the first little baby steps to changing that. On day 3 and it's hard but I feel different than I have before. Just because I had that piece of cake the first day I still continued as if it hadn't happened and I've seen the scale continue to go down but haven't "treated" myself like that since. The struggle is real my friend, good luck with your healthy goals. Getting them out here, honestly is a great start!

  45. Girl you are NOT alone, I know myself and so many others can relate. Love your honesty. And where you said you aren't fishing for compliments... It sounds horrible, but I HATE when people say things to my like "you're skinny, you can eat that" or "You don't need to lose weight, skip the gym". I get so mad, first of all that is NOT what it's about to me, it's about trying to make healthy choices. Second, I've struggled for years and worked hard to try and get in the best place I can, so back off. Just because someone looks at you in your clothes a certain way doesn't mean YOU are happy with your body. I get that. It's all about finding that balance and taking those baby steps. 80/20 is my perfect balance, I need ice cream and a treat here and there. I enjoy it, and it doesn't hurt me as long as I can do it in moderation. I crave a cheeseburger or pizza sometimes, nothing wrong with that. I feel like when I stick to a routine for a longer amount of time, it gets easier but staying motivated can be so tough! I can't tell you how many times I had a rough week and said "welp, I'll restart Monday!" haha. Ugh the cycle, the guilt! I hope you're able to find a good balance for you soon, I'm always here if you need to chat. Accountability partners are great too :)

  46. Hey hun, I completely understand where you're coming from and I experience a lot of these feelings too. I've struggled with body image since I was 16 (or maybe even earlier)... I might be better than I used to be but I still feel guilty about eating junk sometimes and I still struggle with exercising regularly. I still go through periods of time where I over analyze everything I do and eat. It's SO hard... you're not alone!! Try not to be so hard on yourself (I know it's pretty difficult not to be; I'm the same way sometimes)... I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm not going to be perfectly healthy (that would be boring anyways) and it helps lessen the anxiety surrounding that idea. It's all about balance... If I try new things here and there and maintain a mostly healthy lifestyle then I usually don't get too hung up on eating crap food when I'm with friends or when I don't feel like cooking. And I feel like everyone has those times where they don't work out and don't eat healthy... it is what it is. It's normal! The key thing to remember is not to be too hard on yourself :) "slumps" happen. Once you start making a routine again it will get easier XOXOXO hugs to you! You're not alone darling. I feel ya!!

    1. I should really say "not perfectly healthy 100% of the time" because that's more what I mean...

  47. I totally get this. Aside from the running part. Which you know isn't my thing. But it is certainly difficult to have motivation that is 'healthy' and 'realistic'. We want it all right now. And we want to see those results fast. It's just not possible and it makes it so hard to keep from being discouraged. My husband is the same he must start at the first of the month on things. SO I am going to attempt to get us on a plan for March. We are headed to Florida for a wedding this summer and a week on the beach... so I would love to feel a little better about it by then. Overall we are cooking at home more which is great, and I am trying to find more reasons to take the stairs at work. I figure, every little bit right? I'm happy that I rarely crave junk food or fast food. My biggest problem is really beverages I think. I always want coffee (which I know you don't like) but I like my coffee sweet and chocolatey. Even without whole milk and whipped cream etc. that adds so many calories to my daily intake. And my energy levels keep me wanting caffeine at all times. So I've had more sodas in the last few years that ever before. And it's usually for the caffeine not the soda itself. So I am trying to sleep more, and eat better, exercising more in the near future will help too it's just difficult to implement all at once. So again, progress. But I want to feel better about myself. have my clothes fit better, not be tired so often. I think if it is a group effort between me and KC it will be a little easier. We enable each other a lot... which we both know and want to change. :) Good luck with everything. I know that you will get there, baby steps too. I admire where you are, I know we all want to improve so many things all the time.... but you are doing some things that I wish I was. :) I think it's awesome that you have the 80% of the time eat healthy thing. I definitely need a treat. I have found for myself that if I start at always ordering the small coffee, ice cream, soda... etc. And not refilling it. Then I do a lot better. Sure I might have that treat a lot, but at least it isn't doubled just because I think I need #alltheicecream or #themostcaffeine .. :) And I like that you're being real about your nachos. :) haha that cracks me up! XO - Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

  48. You have got this! You can do it!
    We both struggle with this in a different way but it's also very similar. It's hard to be healthy all the time especially when we just crave and want the bad foods. I struggle a lot with beating myself up after eating something I know I shouldn't but each day is a new day and one day isn't going to off set all the work that both of us have done.
    I think you need to extend yourself a little bit of grace. It's okay to not eat healthy all the time or work out all the time as long as you're doing something. Don't be so hard on yourself.

  49. I really admire how honest you are girl. As I've said we are always the hardest on ourselves. That is the attitude I am trying to adjust and change in my own life as well.....working out to be healthy....physically and mentally not to see the number on scales go down. It is a major readjustment right?

  50. Thank you so much for sharing! It is so hard to be honest when a typical response may be "you look great" (which by the way - I love the way you look) but that is not the point. The point is overcoming battles within ourselves and finding motivation can be a tough part of it. It sounds like you are already on the right track since I just came from your positivity post. Thanks for linking this post.

    Anyway, it really looks like you are going to do great. You have already come a long way in reference to some of the things you have already changed and I have a feeling that you are strong enough to make the changes you want in this list too!


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