Thursday, August 28, 2014

Mean

The other day KC was telling me about a podcast that was talking about the death of Robin Williams. I can't remember word for word, and KC probably paraphrased as well, but this is basically what the guy said; "When I was younger, it was okay not to like something. You said 'I don't like that, I don't hate it, I just don't like it. Not my style. Not my jam'. You didn't say 'I hate that, it's horrible, worst thing in the world' and other appalling things. Worse than attacking a movie or album, you didn't attack a person like that. But kids these days.. especially with the internet, are just ruthless. I wonder if some of them feel guilty over what they said about his new TV show? Yeah it wasn't my thing, but I didn't attack them or Robin Williams as a person like I saw others do". etc etc.

It got me thinking. When did this become okay? Has it always been this way, but with the internet we are more aware of it? Much like crime, we think it's gotten worse but it could just be because we are more knowledgeable and there are movies and TV shows that play on our fears?

I don't think I am a very nice person. I think I am okay, but I don't think I am sugar and spice and all that jazz. If you know me, nice is not how you would describe me. Just how I am. But I am not mean. I am not a bad person, I would never knowingly hurt someone, or do something that I would not like done to myself.

If I was a celebrity, I would read things that were written about me. And it would break my heart, I am sure. I know they say you get used to it, get a thicker skin, or just don't read it but, I know me. I know I would read, I would cry, and it would hurt me like a personal attack. How can people not think about these things before lashing out at someone they don't know? Did you see what happened with Zelda, his daughter? You can read it here, so sad how cruel people can be.

Now I'm not saying we all start sugar coating what we're saying and never say a bad word about another person again, because controversy and conflict interest people. I don't like Tom Cruise, I read articles where they talk shit about him and it makes me laugh. So I'm not perfect. It just got the wheels in my rusty brain moving, that's all.

Another example. I like Taylor Swift. So sue me. I don't care about her love life. She's like 3 years younger than me, but I am certain if I was writing songs at her age, when she started, they'd all be about boys and heartbreak as well. So what? It was a joke to most people, oh there's a Taylor Swift song for that. But then she started dating that kid from One Direction, Harry Styles. I'm not a One Direction fan, I don't hate them, it's just not my style. I'm sure I would have been in love with them when I was a tween, much like I was with Hanson or BSB. But damn I don't think I would have ever been as mean as some of these kids were to Taylor. Yeah, it was on the internet, but still. What gives you the right to talk shit about someone you don't know, just because she's dating a singer you like? That you'll probably never meet? Do you think you invented the boy band craze? Do you think you are special, you are the first to hang posters on your walls and dream about marrying one of them? You're not. Hello, Beatle Mania. Now I'm sure most One Direction fans are excluded from this, but seriously, some of the things I read. Saying they wanted her to die, she was a slut, a horrible person, a manipulative bitch etc. Seriously, why?

On one hand, we are giving out 'participation awards' to every Tom, Dick and Harry so we don't hurt anyone's feelings, and everything is censored and politically incorrect to say this or that. On the other hand, people are just so... mean.

I apologise for my rambly post, I am not a good writer like my buddy Alyssa and when something bugs me it comes out like word vomit. I don't know what the point of today's post is really, off the chest it just had to go.

most appropriate gif ever

I wrote this post before Taylor's new song came out, which I totally love by the way, but it seems she doesn't need me to stick up for her (wha??) but I'm gonna anyway. Shake it off, shake shake shake it off!


42 comments:

  1. I think in the beginnins of the internet people thought it was easier to be mean on here as it was more anonymous, and then it escalated, and now of course, it's not so anonymous anymore. Hopefully it might reverse back though, but I'm not so sure

    Oh and I remember back in the good old days when Britney Spears started dating Justin Timberlake - the outrage! My penpal went from loving Britney to really hating her! I think it only lasted for a few weeks though and then she was back listening to Britney. And she would never have been so vocal about it as the One Direction fans are today!

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  2. This is good word vomit! I couldn't agree more. I think some people feel like they can say what they like on the interent because they see it as somewhere where they are protected from actually having to take responsibility for their actions. Honestly though I don't know where these people find the energy to be so mean, I would be exhausted - if you don't like something you just move on. Like I don't particularly like certain actors, the way I deal with that is by not watching their films, I don't seek them out on social media and hurl abuse at them. It's so stupid. Ok, so I think I might have word vomited now!

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  3. I am SO glad the internet wasn't so popular when I was growing up. I feel like the internet allows people to be meaner than they would in person because they don't have to back up what their saying, or worry that the person they're being mean to/about will do something about it. It's crazy how vocal people are on the internet. I don't know why people care so much (for example) about Taylor Swift. People are constantly bashing her and I'm like "why? if you don't like her just ignore her!" I personally love Taylor, obvi! ;) But yeah, I just don't understand why people feel the need to be so mean.

    <3, Pamela
    sequinsandseabreezes.blogspot.com

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  4. Before the internet, kids had balls and said shit to your face. Or a bathroom wall. Or whispered in other peoples ears.. or notes passed around school. Today there is the lovely world wide web. Isn't it just lovely???

    I have 2 daughters and I fear all the time. But, as a parent, I can control who my children hang around and what type of social media they are using. I don't have a Facebook or a Twitter. Just Instagram. My oldest daughter, Abby, doesn't have a Facebook or a Twitter either. She asked if she could have one, I said HELL NO. But she has an Instagram and it's private.

    I love Taylor Swift and her new song couldn't have came out at the perfect time. Sure majority of her music is immature but DUH! She IS immature! Her whole youth was in front of the cameras or a microphone. If she wasn't famous, she would still be this way. But her attitude is starting to get a little cocky since being best friends with Lorde (which isn't a good idea anyways because Lorde is an asshole) which in return has given her a lot of confidence.

    Julia Roberts put it plain and simple at the Emmy's... an interviewer had asked her about social media and her response?? "Oh no... social media has turned into.... (shaking her head) it's just pointless now." And it has. All the little fangirls/guys of Nicki Minaj, Iggy and Miley are CRUEL!! If you show ANY kind of love on anyone that isn't one of them, they will wish your family DEAD! Been there, done that.... reason why I try and stay away.

    Okay, this has turned into a rant. HAHA! Sorry! But this is a PERFECT post. Love you for it!

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  5. I think both things you mentioned are problems with our society & kind of go hand in hand. Everyone gets awards for everything and anything...inflating their ego & sense of self worth. Not that anyone is worthless but the more you're told how great you are the more you believe it & it goes to your head. Therefore I feel a lot of kids/people find themselves way more superior & indestructible than they really are. That & the fact that they can hide behind a screen/keyboard & feel 0 repercussions for what they say/do online they feel that they can be as cruel as they want to be. I can guarantee 95% of people that talk trash online wouldn't have the guts to say it to someone in person.

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  6. FYI... I am dancing now... I LOVE this song :)

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  7. It's so true, people have become meaner because they're hiding behind a keyboard. It's horrible! I have no idea what they did to his daughter - it's awful!

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  8. I fully believe that people are... well, I guess not more mean than they used to be, but really REALLY quick on the draw with it. I remember life before internet (BBSing, I was part of it! Then Prodigy, then AOL, and the world exploded!) People were plenty mean then too. I went through the senior year of my high school utterly alone and frequently attacked. Had these people had access like we all do now to one another? Honestly, I was in such a bad place in my life... I was suicidal, it might have pushed me over.

    So, I think it's the 24/7 access we allow people to have with us now. Everyone has a soap box, everyone has the ability to post something publicly and be heard as if what they're saying has value - even if it doesn't. It didn't used to be that way. To get the word out publicly, it had to have backers and a lot of energy to get it to that point. Now, it's the click of a button, literally.

    There is an inflated ego and sense of entitlement that I see now. I see it in my own generation, and my parents, but I see it increasing in the younger ones. I've worked hard to make sure my kids know they need to work, and be respectful - and even though they do and are, I can still see the entitlement. Maybe it's unavoidable. But the meanness, the rudeness? That's entirely avoidable, and a choice. Acting in cruelty, with the internet at your back... it's not meaner than it was 25 years ago, just faster with wider reach and a lot less thought involved.

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  9. Awesome post lady, well said. Most people would describe me as nice, until you cross me, then there really is no going back. I'm extremely protective of my tier one [inner circle] of friends and have been known to say and do some mean things to protect others, but to me, that's okay. It's not being mean for the sake of just being mean.

    I have read many GOMI threads, out of fascination, even though some of the stuff said there is down right mean. People might hate me for it, or say I'm just as bad, but oh well. I agree, that before the internet you had to have guts or balls to say something bad about someone, because then you had to face them. But now, you can hide behind your computer and spew lies, exaggerate the truth and just be mean because you can. I strive to keep the content on my blog stuff I would discuss with anyone [minus ridiculous rants when I'm mad], and most of it is just my life and fluff.

    I love tswift. That video is making an appearance tomorrow on le blog.

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  10. Thank you for sticking up for Taylor Swift! I am so sick of everyone hating on her and I think her new song is perfect! The people hating on it totally don't get the point of the song haha!

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  11. i have never experienced such hatred as i have from anonymous people behind a computer screen. it's so sad what has happened with the world today like this.

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  12. I totally agree with everything about this post! I agree that people are meaner on the internet, just because they feel like they can. But WHY do they want to be mean, that's what I don't get! What is it about being nasty that they find enjoyable?? I'm certainly not goodness and light all the time, I have my moments where I will snap at my husband, gossip, or just not be as kind as I could to someone, but I always feel horrid afterwards, it's not a good feeling! And whatever happened to "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? Ok, now I'm ranting, I will be done now. :)

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  13. The world is a very cruel place!! And I think we're more aware of it now because of the internet and the media being on 24/7!! There is just no escaping it!! I think the people that are the meanest are the saddest ones - they have no lives and attack people for living there life!!

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  14. I love this. I don't understand why in the world people think just because you see stuff online, in the media, etc we think that we know these people. I don't know Taylor threfore I'm not going to judge her life...it's hers. I like her music that's what I care about - HA!
    That's why GOMI gets on my nerves so bad because why in the world do we think that we have the authority to sit here and judge someone's life just because we only see a tiny glimpse of them?

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  15. The internet provides a shield for all sorts of nastiness. I'm so glad that we never had Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc when I was in high school - I can't even imagine the drama it would have caused!

    And yes, Taylor's new song is fantastic - I can't stop listening!

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  16. I'm never afraid to say what I think, even if it's unpopular. I hate some things. I don't really hate people I don't know, of course, but it's a word I use for Bieber and Swift. I can't stand them and a lot of what they represent. A lot of stuff I say is off the cuff but I wouldn't wish them dead or anything. I do wish they'd go away out of the limelight. LOL

    I think the Internet has given people a forum and balls. You can say whatever you want behind a screen. Not many people follow it up with in-person balls.

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  17. looooooove this post! amen to that. i'm a huge taylor fan too and even artists that i'm not a fan of, who gives anybody any right to say things like that. rock on girl. shake it off!

    A @ as the wine cork turns

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  18. I could never be a celeb I would cry every day at things people wold say about me but I guess you develop thick skin. But not just that all the kids now are so mean and it makes me nervous to have children! I just don't get why people can't just be nice!

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeatsoles.blogspot.com

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  19. so, i'm thinking with how much exposure we all have to everything, literally in seconds that it is probably the same kind of hate that it was when we were younger. just more on a public level. i think its crazy because i've never been like that. who in their RIGHT mind would say "she's such a sl*t i can't believe shes dating him" about a celebrity? i mean really, come on. you will NEVER EVER, EVERRR (t-swift yahhh) meet them. i just don't get kids! but then i'm sitting here writing this comment wondering "where kids like this when we were younger" when i just said up above they probably were. ah. i dont know. i think its the instant access to all this shit that is making these kids so crazy. have to agree with life according to steph that internet = balls real life = blueballs.

    i really like that new song too!!!

    oh, and as far as the participation awards for tom dick harry sally and sue, what the hell happened to good old fashioned competition? aka GOLD SILVER AND BRONZE AKA work your ASS off and maybe you'll get it!??? WTF. I HATE IT

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  20. it is def sad that this is how things are today. I think most of these mean people are just cowards behind a computer screen who feel that that they need to make other people feel bad in order for them to feel good. There is a huge difference between stating your opinion and being just flat out rude and nasty

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  21. I think that people use the internet as a shield of some sorts and just say whatever the fuck they want to say because they are behind a computer. Most of these people are total cowards in person and would never spew hate the way they do as they feel big and bad online. I am so sick of seeing people be rude and ugly about every. damn . thing.

    For example - I was on a Facebook trading page the other day and there was a girl trying to sale her prom dress. People were commenting on how she looked in the dress instead of the dress for sale. WTF?!?!?!

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  22. Oh my gosh. I can't believe the harassment that Robin Williams daughter is dealing with. So so so sad. How do these internet trolls live with themselves? The whole thing is sick and disgusting.

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  23. I agree! Also, it drives me crazy when people (particularly fashion and beauty bloggers) talk about how "obsessed" they are over the "epic" materialistic item they're talking about. Do they know what obsessed even means? Trust me, you don't want to be obsessed with anything, much less a fu*&ing lipstick. Do people even know what "hate" really means? No, they just throw it out there. And I don't want to be friends with, or read the blogs of hateful people!

    Maybe I'll make it my personal mission to buy dictionaries for everyone so people actually know the meaning of the words they use.

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  24. I word vomit too. But Taylor Swift is awesome. She's talented and gorgeous. I think its jealousy that makes people so mean.

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  25. I'm with a few other people and honestly think the biggest problem or reason for the increase is because of social media. It gives too many people a platform to be negative and nasty and ignorant. Being able to say things anonymously seems to let people think they can just say what they please without any consequences. It's so easy to get wrapped up in what other people are saying, but I try and remember that it's more of a reflection of them then it is of what they're talking about! And this whole comment probably made no sense!

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  26. Great post. This is so true! I actually really like Taylor Swift as well, unlike a lot of my friends. But I know that if I were any sort of celebrity I would be so hurt by receiving so many mean/ugly comments. It's so cowardly to sit at a computer and spew out such hurtful things whether it's to someone you know or don't know at all.

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  27. I totally feel the same. I am not MEAN but I am not always nice. I actually almost named my blog, "mostly nice" because sometimes I can be a bit sarcastic. I can have a dark sense of humor. That being said I would not go out of my way to intentionally hurt others. Recently I stopped reading all the gossip magazines (People, US Weekly, TMZ even) because I feel like it encourages others to judge celebrities in a nasty way based on half truths. These people are paid to entertain us in films, music, etc but I dont think it is normal how the public feel like they are entitled to know every detail of the personal lives or cast judgments on their personal relationships/actions. They are humans beings doing a job like everyone else and they deserve privacy as well.

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  28. I'm dealing with some issues in this realm of my own - being thought of as mean when I'm disagreeing. It's a hard balance, and I don't know what the answer is. I think right now, since so many people have a voice to share their views, they take advantage to get the attention and it just seems like there's more negativity. Yuck.

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  29. I try to like Taylor Swift- she just irritates me for some reason. Like she cares :) Its all probably because I'm jealous.
    I do think the internet makes it easy for people to voice opinions ... a LOT of opinions. I don't get the hate though. I can saw Miss Swift irritates me but some people are down right insane angry about her, or other things in life. That's just weird to me.
    ... you're probably not mean - you probably are just honest. You can say you don't like something & still be a good person - just honest. Nothing wrong with that.

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  30. I bothers me so much when I see mean and hurtful things online. Celebrities are people too and just because they are in the public eye doesn't mean you should wish them ill or be hurtful. Yes, it may not be your style or what you would do, but that doesn't mean you should spew hate. Don't hide behind being honest with being rude.

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  31. I agree!! Something about Taylor Swift gets on my nerves but I'm not going to be mean about it out loud. Plus I'm just not really about spreading disrespect.

    but I. freaking. LOVE HER NEW SONG

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  32. I think I'm very similar in that Im not super nice but not mean or would belittle people and make them feel bad.

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  33. I don't think I could ever be a celebrity. I care way too much about what others think (horrible, but true), and it would break my heart if people were as cruel to me as they are to some of these people. It is really sad when "trolling the internet" is an actual thing.

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  34. Yeah I'm not sure T Swift cares what's being said about her on the internet by jealous tweens while she's rolling around on satin sheets in $100 bills. I sure wouldn't! I have plenty of celebs I hate, but I wouldn't say anything about them (or regular people) online that I wouldn't say in person. I think as you grow older your attitude changes from writing things like 'she's such a slut i hope she dies' to 'She's got a hell of a lot of boyfriends, that's not healthy, daddy issues? too much spotlight?' At least, I like to think people do.
    I actually did meet what's his face from jersey shore once that was dating Sammi and I told him "you're a huge douche, you know that right? you look like an awful human being on tv." He didn't care one bit. He was, in fact, as big a douche in person!

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  35. I couldn't agree with you more - people are mean these days - almost like they feel entitled to express their thoughts/opinions no matter how cruel those thoughts are. And, don't get me started on the participation awards - not a fan!

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  36. Very true! I would totally have a break down if I were a celebrity because I take everything too serious:)

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  37. You definitely have been taking to the keyboard this week girl and I love it! People are pretty "tough" when they are behind a screen right?

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  38. I think social media and the media in general definitely take things to another level... but, I also think that people just seem to be worse in general, PERIOD! Maybe I'm just a cynical ol' biddy, but, that's how I feel - our society in general just blows.

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  39. Great post love. I think the reason we see so much hatred spewed all over the internet is because of the anonymity attached. People feel invincible from behind their computer screens. I don't think it's made people meaner, but the fact that there's a forum for everything and communities BASED on bashing people where trolls can come together and enjoy in their smugness brings people who would otherwise keep their nasty comments to themselves out of hiding.

    It makes me sad. Every once in a while I come across something on reddit or somewhere else where it seems like people are deliberately misunderstanding something a celeb said or did or whatever, in order to have something to bitch about. Certain people aren't happy unless they're miserable, and certain people truly feel better about themselves only when they're putting others down. I'm not immune to having nasty or unkind thoughts, but I *never* want to be the kind of person who says something that makes another person feel truly hurt or bad about themselves, so when I am in a particularly bitchy mood I try to keep it to myself, write it (privately), or vent to a close friend who knows it's just venting frustration. I'm not afraid of being disliked or someone calling me mean, but I never want to be the source of someone's hurt. And frankly I don't understand people who do. It makes me sad and I just hope that there are enough people who try to practice kindness to counteract some of the negativity. Life and the world are tough enough; shouldn't we be trying to make it better for each other?

    Annnnd I just wrote a post-length comment. My b. Great post. Thanks for getting this conversation going here :)

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  40. I love this. I like Taylor Swift too. Her songs are catchy and she's a little awkward but so adorable and she seems down to earth. Probably why I associate Taylor Swift with you. Lol. You're adorable and you both have similar styles!

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  41. I was thinking the same thing when I heard about Taylor Swift at the VMA. People were so mean to her and bashing her all over the internet, but she's just a girl and I can't imagine why everyone thinks it's okay to be cruel to celebrities just because they're famous. It still speaks volumes to who you are as a person if you enjoy making fun of someone you don't know.

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  42. I love this post babe. There are many celebrities I dont care for. That does not mean I bash them! I actually cringe when I go on gossip sites and I read the comments. I think people forget that those celebs are actually human. They criticize their looks, children and everything. Nothing is off limits and I cannot imagine living a life where that is ok! Even though I dont care for T Swifts music, she is beautiful and has a great style and that has nothing to do with her music! I often tell people someone could be a not so great father but a wonderful uncle, coworker, driver etc. People are mutli faceted and so blind hate is just unnecessary!

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Thank you so much for your comment! I reply to my comments via email, but I can't do that if you are a no-reply blogger :-) If you are here to be a troll, please kindly bugger off. Thanks!